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Blog started in Jan 2005: 1st entries for Write in Every Genre. Then the REAL ME begins |
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It Hurts When I Stop Talking Sometime in Fall of 1998, when a visit from Dad was infrequent, and primarily at the mercy of his 88 Toyota making the 50 mile journey, I was being treated to lunch. The restaurant was my choice, I think. Sisley Italian Kitchen at the Town Center mall was somewhere my dad had not yet tried, so that was my pick. Either I was being treated to the luxury of lunch and adult conversation without my husband and 5 year old son in tow, or that's just how the moment has lodged in my memory. The more I think about it, they probably were there, but enjoying the Italian food too much to bother interrupting. Daddy and his lady friend at the time, Anne, came up together and made a day of it with me and the family. We were eating together and talking about some of my scripts, stories, coverages, poems and other creative attempts that really were not seeing the light of day. I think I'd just finished a group reading of The Artist's Way and was in a terribly frenetic mood over my writing. I think I'd just given them an entire rundown on a speculative Star Trek script. My Dad asked me point blank, “Why don’t you write it?? Anne agreed. It sure sounded like I wanted to write it. Why wasn't I writing seriously? It's what I'd set out to do when earning my college degree in Broadcasting many years earlier. Heck, I should, I agreed non-verbally. “I will.” But, I didn’t. Blogs can be wild, unpredictable storehouses of moments, tangents, creative dervishes, if you will. I'm getting a firmer handle on my creative cycle. My mental compost heap (which is a catch phrase from Natalie Goldman or Julia Cameron - I can't think which, right now) finally seems to be allowing a fairly regular seepage of by-products. That may be a gross analogy, but I give myself credit to categorize my work in raw terms. It proves that I'm not so much the procrastinating perfectionist that I once was. Still, I always seem to need prompts and motivation. Being a self-starter is the next step. My attempt to keep up in the Write in Every Genre Contest at the beginning of the year seemed like a perfect point to launch the blog. |
| Confident in the next steps I take...yet I am going to give myself some development time. More Spanish under my belt, re-written resume if helpful. Working with and paying down my creditors. Staying healthy. Reading and writing on a schedule. Those five goals are probably my best Foundation. |
| Sleeping dogs. (My oldest dog, Max, a Chihuahua mix sometimes referred to as a MinPin, is eighteen years old, and is currently snoring next to me.) For about ten days (and nights) I have noticed just how much my two dogs (and cat) sleep. I believe I never really took notice of it previously, because the work week puts the mind in a trance. By the time I am home, my concern is for my own relaxation, and so I am paying little attention to other beings around me -- which I see is sad. Now, joined in this global order to stay in place, I am an observer full-time. I also do think the animals are as bewildered as their people are to be spending time together / apart(?). I will tell you, these babies definitely still want their routine followed. The mealtime is demanded. |
| As I anticipate the emergence from this cocoon of waiting, I open an email from a non-profit that has every year been on the fringe of my experience, but which I have never had the time/confidence to be a part of. Nicely, and deservedly, the group WriteGirl is being awarded in the Los Angeles Times Book Awards this April 17th with the Innovator's Award. Each year, a group of girls releases an anthology of writing from the efforts of its members and their mentors. The quote/practice below is from within the pages of the most recent, This Moment Writing activity from This Moment: Take a journey of self-discovery A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. The labyrinth represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Select one of the topics below. As you focus on that topic and reflect, slowly trace your finger along the path as a “walk through the labyrinth” and allow your creative ideas to percolate. When you get to the center, take a pause and use that moment to write down your ideas and thoughts. After a few minutes of writing, place your finger back on the center of the labyrinth, trace yourself back out, once again focusing on the topic, and then take a few more minutes to write. Cultivate self-awareness. Take time to reflect on past events and memories. 1. Mindfulness: Just breathe. How does my breath feel? How deeply am I breathing? What does the air feel like? When was another time when I focused on my breath or breathing? Describe that time. 2. Confidence: What does confidence look like? Who gives me confidence? When have I felt confident and comfortable? 3. Wisdom: Think of an animal you saw recently. What does that animal have to teach you about life? If that animal could speak, what advice does it have for you? 4. Emotion: Take a personal inventory of how you feel right now. How do you feel? Is there any part of your body that feels tense or tight? What are the sounds around you? Can you list all of them? 5. Inspiration: Think of a color you love. What are all the objects that you have seen in that color? What does that color make you feel? What is one memory you have where that color was significant? |
| I am waiting to hear back about an opportunity. It may be the first step on the path "not taken," whether I am granted the opportunity or not. Having agreed to the possibility, already my thinking and planning has shifted. New ideas come through. Projects that have laid buried due to disinterest suddenly seem important again. I had some sense that the piles of things at home I wouldn't touch or treated with total disregard were the result of a cruddy insipid bout of depression that has been about me for months. It has the potential to free me from a financial burden or two, if I manage the money well. Already it is freeing my mind to consider working somewhere new and/or working in a completely different fashion. If I really listen, I can trust what I am thinking is real -- that my wishing and planning as if it is my reality already -- and have confidence that I know what is best for me. So, again, a verification that all the little things in the world that have given me a thrill throughout my lifetime have purpose. Leading me to a wholeness of purpose that will define and redefine me should I allow;Is that a new definition for Legacy? "A talent for making activity accessible" seems to me a better, succinct explanation for what I do, and better than any job title I have or will hold. I have that talent whether you are my charge and only eight or nine, or you take a workshop with me as an adult; it does not matter. |
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