Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/campfires/item_id/1578554-I-Do-Not-Eat-Wasabi
by Twiga
Rated: 13+ · Campfire Creative · Short Story · Fanfiction · #1578554
The Crane family has a dark secret and they are about to find out!
This is a story where Ichabod Crane gets an addiction to Wasabi!

After band practice, Jim Bill and Bob decide to check out a new sushi place, Ichabod is hesitant, as he does not like the idea of eating raw fish, he soon finds there is one item on the menu he likes, a bit too much...
Not many people new this but the legendary super heroes, Bill Brandy the Bull, Jim Buckwheat the Red Squirrel and Bob Buttz the Catfish had a band! Bob was on drums, Jim played Bass, Bill did guitar, all they needed was someone to play the Keys, so they had their longtime friend Ichabod Crane to help.

They played at a rusty old Java Joint called The Reg, hardly anybody visted but that's because they didn't know what they were missing!

The Beastie Boys (That's what the band was called) Had a firey flare for music which was only cooled by Ichabod's gentle, slow and steady nature.

Tonight was one of their Big shows at The Reg

"Bungle, in the Jungle Well that's all right by me!" The four of them sang

"...I'm a tiger when I want love...." Jim crooned into his bass

"But I'm a snake if we disagree!" Bill bellowed finishing the song

"Thank you Gotham!" Bill screamed into the Mike

The 'Audiance' was unfortuetly not exsiting but the boys didn't seem to mind

"Hey my Bromites!" Jim said wiping his brow "Why don't we check out that new Sushi place in Little Tokyo?"

Ichabod looked hesitant "I beg your pardon Jim but isn't that raw fish?"

"As usual you're accurate." Bob said "But not aware of the whole truth."

He pulled out a chart of the differnt kinds of sushi "Sometimes it is raw fish, other times the fish is cooked but cold...Sometimes it is not fish at all but vegtables!"

Ichabod did not feel entirly convinced "Well..."
The Sushi Bar was called The Mikado it was a tiny hole-in-the-wall type place The Four Friends entered

"Hey!" A thick Japanese voice called "No shirt, no shoes no servace!"

Ichabod palmed his forehead in embaresment "I told you this would happen." He said

When Bill, Jim and Bob were doing superhero duty, they war rubber super suits that were indestrucatable but extremly uncomfortable, when they were playing 'The Beastie Boys' they stripped down to the fur (Or scales in Bob's case) In order to give the illustion that they were just people in animal costumes insted of...you know...hybrids

Bill chuckled amably "Dude you don't uderstand, We're the Beastie Boys, these are just costumes."

"No..." The Japanese Teenager at the counter said "I can smell you from here You're animals...Very weird animals."

"Than you can see our fur covers our bits." Bill said

"Ew!" the counter boy said. "Now I know you must leave. You are telling me you are naked under that fur? What are you thinking? Get out right away."

"Now wait a minute!" Jim said, but Bill grabbed his elbow.

"Come on," Bill said, "let's just go put on some clothes. It's no big deal. You wear shoes to school, don't you?"

"This isn't school. He's got no right to-"

"Cool it! We're lucky to get the job at The Reg. Let's not mess it up."

"Oh, alright," Jim said. "Ichabod, you want to hold the table for us since you're already dressed?"

"Sure," Ichabod said. "I'll just nibble on some appetizers until you get back."
Ichabod looked at the menu but was confused by the strange names of the dishes

"Miso soup?" He murured confused "Edamame?"

"Edamame is just soybeans..." The counter boy said

"We're back!" Bill said as the walked in wearing there rubber super suits

"That was fast." Ichabod remarked

"We just got them out of the trunk of the Van." Bob said as they mosyed up to the bar

"So what will you have?" The Counter boy asked

"Why don't you give me the Californa Roll six pack?" Bob asked, he looked over to Ichabod "I think you should give him the six pack too, since he's a little new to this whole sushi thing."

Ichabod looked annoyed but said nothing "Done and done." Said the counter boy

When the sushi was ready, it was placed before them, with pickled ginger and large mounds of wasabi!
A Non-Existent User
The others went back to the table and placed their food down. Ichabod looked down a bit nervous. The wasabi didn't look really good to him.

"Uhh... Hehe... On a second thought im not hungry..." he said quietly.

Bill was already eating his sushi and looked back at Ichabod.

"Come on its really good! You will love it!" he said.
Ichabod looked a little nervous, but he didn't want to look immature by refusing what he was served,

He picked up a California Roll, and nibbled lightly at it, he nearly gagged, the taste of cold fish was not the most appityzing to him,

"You don't like it?" Bob asked

"It taste revolting!" Ichabod whispered

"Try spreading the Wasabi on it." Bob said gesturing to the green paste on the plate "It will cover up the fish taste."

Ichabod was not sure about that green stuff, but decided he'd try it, just so the others wouldn't call him a coward

He spread the wasabi on his Californa Roll, he nibbled on it,

For a moment all time stopped for Ichabod, his tougue felt like it was on fire, his nostrils burned, his eyes watered...and he absolutly loved it!

"Oh God!" He exclamed reaching for his glass of water and gulping it down to soothe the burn "What's in that green stuff, it's like eating hot ice cubes!"

"Um...Mostly the extract of the root of of the Japanese Horshradish plant." Bob said "You don't like it?"

"No, I do, I do!" Ichabod exclaimed spreading anouther bout of Wasabi on anouther California Roll "It's heavenly" He said as he popped it into his mouth

"Wow..." Jim said "Ichabod talking with his mouth full...Never thought I'd see that."

"I'd never thought I'd see Ichabod eat anything with passion." Bob said amazed as Ichabod went through everything on his plate...vigorisly
A Non-Existent User
He didn't even stop for another drink. He took another batch of California rolls with Wasabi and started to devour the whole plate.

Jim scooted away a bit chuckling nervously.

"Oook Ichy. You better be careful though. Eat too much and you'll burn your tongue or worse." he said.

"Do you want anything else?" the Japanese Teenager asked.

"What's your name?" Ichabod said.

"My name is Ringo."

"Ringo? Were you named after a Beatle?"

"No. In Japanese ringo means apple. Do you want anything else to eat?"

"Yes!" Ichabod said. "More of everything! With lots of wasabi!"

Bill grabbed Ichabod's arm. "Uh, I think you've had enough. What's wrong with you?"

"It's like he's drunk," Jim said.

The three others decided that Ichabod had had enough so quickly paid the bill and dragged him out despite his weak protests.

After the restaraunt Ichabod started acting very tipsy, he seemed a little drunk which didn't make anyy fuse

They reterned him home, hoping his parents would not notice his strange behaviour, Ichabod went to bed feeling verry full

In the night Ichabod had very strange dreams thet started out beautiful but ending up horryfying!

He dreamed he was resting with Alice in his garden, he sat next to her and enjoyed the warmpth of her body

"Oh my..." He said in an overy sweet tone of voice "It's awfully hot, you won't mind if I take of my shirt do you?"

He removed his shirt Alice gasped

"Why Ichabod!" She said "You have pectorials!"

"Why yes," he said "Yes I do."

In his dreams he imagened himself with small but noticable pecs!

He wrapped his arms around Alice and kissed the top of her head he let her snuggle into his cheast

Suddenly the dream changed, Alice was no longer in his arms, he was no longer in his garden, he seemed to be on a field of ice.

Suddenly a horde of small blue creatures came out of the sky and luaghed at him, Ichabod realized it was because he was stark naked, he covered up his manhood as best he could but the creatures were still there

The blue creatures formed a circle about Ichabod and began to dance and sing a song. The strange little beings were only a foot tall and had horns and tails. Their voices were so high-pitched that Ichabod could barely understand the words to the song, but as the little goblins circled him singing the words over and over he began to hear the song clearly...

Ichy, Ichy, ick!
You look like a stick!
Better eat some food real quick!
Something that will make you thick
Because to us you look quite SICK!
Ichy.. Ichy... ICK!

Ichabod closed his eyes and wished he would wake up.
Ichabod woke up from his dream feeling horribly frightend

"Oh God!" He said "What a nightmare!"

He went in to the bathroom, he turned on the light, he looked in the mirror and gasped and what he saw

"I have claws!" He nearly screamed

Indeed his nails had grown long

Ichabod didn't have time to think about what this meant because, his Mother was calling him to breakfast.

He quickly put on some gloves in order to hide his nails.

His mother had cut up some oranges for him, But Ichabod nibbled them only reluctantly

'Could use some wasabi...' He thought miserably

"Why are you wearing those gloves?" His Father asked

"Um....Fashion statement..." Ichabod murmured

"Since when to you care about fashion?" Jonathan asked the school bus came, and Ichabod gladly left his half-eaten oranges behind, He felt sick on the bus, he kept dreaming about Wasabi on the bus thinking about it

The bus route ran right by a Japanese restaurant. As they got close to it Ichabod felt an urge to get off the bus and run to the restaurant. He tapped the bus driver on the shoulder. "Let me off here."

The driver hunched his shoulder. "Go sit down. I can't let you off before we get to school."

"It's important," Ichabod said. "It's an emergency."

But now the school bus was past the restaurant and he felt his desire to get off go away. What's wrong with me, he thought, as he went back to his seat. That was totally crazy.
Once he got to his first class he felt weird with himself, utterly weird.

His first class was rather boring and Ichabod coulden't help thinking about wasabi, he squirmed in his desk and his knee bounced up and down

"Ichabod," The teacher said "Do you need the restroom?"

"No." Ichabod said weakly

"You just seem kind of antsy is all." The Teacher said

Jiust than, a Japanese exchance student, by name Takato came into the room, apologyzed for being late and sat down next to Ichabod

Ichabod noticed that something fell out the Exchage Student's backpack he took a closer look, it was a small tube of wasabi.

Ichabod's eyes flickered he licked his lips and snatched the tube when no one was looking

"So... "The Teacher said "Anyone got an idea on how the raise money for the prom?"

"Hey!" Takato said "Someone stole my wasabi!"

Ichabod didn't want things to escalate further so he ran out of the room before he could be found out! He ran to the hallway and rested himself in a corner

"Oh God." Ichy said "I need this bad..."

He opened the Wabi tube but than he heard a voice

"What do you think you're doing?" It was Bob "What is the matter with you?"
A Non-Existent User
"I cant help it! This is driving me crazy!" Ichobod screamed and jumped up from the corner. Without another word, he quickly ran through the school hallway and out through the exist doors into the openeness of the world. 'What am I doing!' he thought to himself as he gathered it out of the tube. He turned around, there was no one watching. He looked nervous and unsteady as he pushed it into his watering mouth. The warm delious fuzzy feeling was right what he needed..The feel of it, the taste..he definitely had a problem. He wasnt feeling like himself at all, instead it was like he was a totally different person intirely.
Regreting now after the wasabi was gone, that he couldnt walk back into the school and face what might be coming to him. He turned and strod down the narrow sidewalk. Thinking that whatever was in the wasabi was something very wrong. He had to find out what it was doing to him and he needed the answer now. He wondered if Bob told anyone as he watched the empty street ahead of him. But then a voice came from behind, Ichobod turned but there was no one there. Another voice. Nervous that he was caught he turned again but this time he set his eyes on Bob that stood only a few feet away. His face was troubled as he walked toward Ichbod......
"Ichabod..."Bob said, his the broown eyes tearing up, "Please tell me what's wrong, I know something is wrong."

"I'm...addicted..."Ichabod whispered "I can't stop thinking about wasabi but that's not the worst of it..."

Ichabod took off thne gloves he was wearing Bob gasped

"What's wrong with your nails?" Bob asked

"I don't know I just woke up this way!" Ichabod raised his fists to his eyes and wept into them

"Something's wrong with with me." He said softly "I feel like I'm developing multible personalties..."

"What you mean like Two-Face?" Bob asked

"No not like that..." Ichabod said "It feels like I was once one, but no I am two, myself and this...Primal force inside me that becomes more powerful the more wasabi I eat."

Bob grabbed Ichabod by the shoulders and looked into his eyes. "Listen to me, Ichy. You must stop eating wasabi. You must!"

Ichabod's eyes filled with tears. "I can't! Wasabi has a hold on me, Bob. I can feel it. See my hands? How they are becoming claws? Wasabi has claws, Bob. Big sharp claws. And wasabi has sunk it's claws into me. It's too late for me now. Wasabi has me. Wasabi owns me."

Bob shook Ichabod's shoulders as hard as he could. "No! Ichy! Stop talking like that! It's not too late! You've got to get free of this wasabi addiction! You have to WANT to get free. For God's sake, don't give up!"
Ichabod started to weep for the second time as he leaned into Bob's shoulder and his tears soaked into it

"I need help..." Ichy said "I think I'm not normal...."

"I think what you need is a scientist." Bob said "And I know just where to find one!"

He took Ichabod by the hand, and led him into the forest.

There Matoaka the Anthropomorphic Unicorn, was in her laboatory, studying this and that. She heard a knock on the door

"Who is it?" She asked

"It's me Bob." Came the voice from the other side of the door "I'm with Ichabod!"

Matoaka jumped to her hooves and opened the door for both of them

"Come in, come in!" She said

"Ichabod here has a problom..." Bob began to explain

In a very short time he had explained everything he knew about Ichabod's additiction to the wise guardian of the forest

"I suspect that something may be more than just a mere addiction...." She said rubbing her chin "I think this may be something specific to your genes"

"What on Earth does that mean?" Ichabod asked

"Well first I need to take some of your blood to fully explain." She said getting out a needle

Ichabod jumped back. "Whoa! No needles!"

"It won't hurt," Matoaka said. "At least we don't have to be afraid that you will ever get hooked on something that requires injections."

"It's even worse being addicted to a food item," Ichabod said. "It's just too easy to eat."

"I know, I know," Matoaka said, trying to sooth Ichabod. "Now you just sit there in that chair while I go look at this blood under the microscope."

"I'll play cards with you," Bob said. "That will help to pass the time."

"I don't know any card games," Ichabod said.

"You don't? That's strange. I never met anyone who didn't know any card games at all.You don't even know Go Fish or Rummy or War?"

"Nope. None of them. Not even Poker. But I always wanted to learn that one. Can you teach me?"

So Bob and Ichabod settled into two of the big comfortable chairs in Matoaka's living room, talking quietly, slapping cards down from time to time, while Matoaka busied herself in her laboratory analyzing Ichabod's blood.

Eventually she looked up from her microsope with a puzzled look on her face. "If I wasn't looking right at it I wouldn't believe it..." she murmured.
She noticed Ichabod's blood which when she first drew it was bright red like anyone else's blood was starting to turn blue-green

"Something about this isn't right." Matoaka said to herself "This can't be normal human blood..."

She took the sample of blood to the computer to be analyzed and she ran a listing of all known Earth Species and All known extra-terrestrial spieces in hopes of finding the source the the unkown coror change in his blood

She turned her attention to the two boys, Bob was showing Ichabod how to play Go Fish but Ichabod seemed distracted, antsy, he seemed to be sweating almost as bad as a heroin addict

"I'm just worried is all." Ichy said mopping the sweat of his brow "What would happen if my classmates find out my shameful secret? Good Lord! What would happan if my parents found? Or suppose I gorge myself to the point of blotation?"

"Ichabod...." Bob said shaking his head "You can't go from delicate to whopping in just a few hours like you see in cartoons The Anatomy of the Body doesn't work like that..."He put down the cards "Ichy take it from someone who was once fat but isn't now that it takes at least a few days for the body to build up fat."

Matoaka turned to her computer "Computer," She implores "Have you found anything?"


"Hmmm." Matoaka murmured "I wonder..." She took out her 'Big Book of Mythical Creatures'That she had inheritated from her Unicorn Father

Sje turned to the index, looked up 'blood colors' turned to page 666

"Let's see, here, Blue-Green, Blue-Green..".She said "Ah Here we are Elf!" She read the discription for elf "An otherwordly metaphysacal monstrsity it has been know to interbreed with humans, the half-human desendants may have superfisaly evish traits such as pointy ears, skinniness, and skin that burns easily in the sun but have fundamentaly human traits like emaphty and imagenation, Latent Elf Powers in a hybrid may be activated by exposure to certain herbs..."

She thought "Herbs? Like the Japanese Horseradish plant?"
(Uh actually Steve...the reason Ichabod is a affected was becase he had an Elf as his Great-great-great grandmother)

Matoaka thought this was a weird explanation, she put the blood in anouther part of the compter, this was a family history recorder, it had the names and DNA of every person on Earth.

As the blood was scanned and the family tree was outlined on the screen, it suddenly stopped at a certain point, meaning one branch of the family tree coulden't go any farther

"I think this is what is wrong with you" She said "One ancestor was an elf!"
[I don't see why you having ideas of your own requires you to delete my entire post. You could have edited my post. It takes some time and effort for me to contribute to the campfire. It kind of spoils my pleasure when you toss my entire contribution in the trash can because you don't like one line in it.]

"That's impossible," Ichabod said.
[I didn't just not like one line in it, I diddn't like the whole thing because it made no sense it contridicted everything that was stated in the prevous chapter, How can Ichabod having an Elf Houskeeper make him an Elf Hybrid? I kind of state the the reason Ichabod has an addiction to Wasabi is because he has Elf Blood)

Matoaka sighed "I know it seems impossible but if you look over here you'll see."

She led him over to the family tree diagram "See here." She said "Your great great great grandmother on your father's side was an Elf."

"I still don't believe it." Ichabod said

"I'm afraid you have to." Matoaka said "Take a look at your blood."

She showed him an example of his blood

"AIEEEE!" Ichabod shrieked "That can not be my blood!"

"I'm afraid it is." Matoaka said "This is your blood on wasabi"

Ichabod cried "Oh God!"
[Can you promise never to delete me again without asking? Will you promise to just edit and not delete?]

"What's all the shrieking about?" Bob asked.

Matoaka spread her palms. "Ichabod just found out he's got elf blood."

"Matoaka!" Ichabod said. "Don't go telling everybody!"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Bob said. "I think it's kind of cool myself. Now I know why you have such big ears. Heh heh!"
Ichabod merely hunched over and cried, "It's bad enough I'm skinny and homely..." He wept "Now people will think I'm a freak!"

Bob patted him on the back "Don't cry Ichy." He said "I won't tell anyone."

"What we should focus on is getting him off the wasabi." Matoaka said firmly "I know it is hard but you have to go cold turkey, if you can get through the withdrawl without caving into the craving than your claws will reced to normal nails, and your little fangs will become normal teeth"

"I have FANGS?!" Ichabod screeched

"Yeah don't you see them?" Matoaka said gesturing toward the mirror

Meanwhile there was someone else listening to the conversation, it was Brad Stud the captain of the football team...

He had seen Bob and Ichy go into the forest and he had heard their conversation beforehand about wasabi...Brad ghated Ichabod for his brains and wit and wished to find a way to make him look foolish.

"So the dickweed is addicted to wasabi?" He said to himself

He ran back to school and found Alice.

"Hey Alice!" He said "You want to know something about Ichabod?"

"My Father told me not to talk to you..." She said irritably

"I'll tell you what Ichabod has a secret fondness for!" Brad said

"Oh really?" Alice said raising an eyebrow

"Ichabod..." Brad said whispering in Alice's ear, "...is crazy about wasabi!"

"Really?" She asked

"Yeah, So when you see him after school, say you'll go on a date with him, but don't tell him you're taking him to a sushi place, blindfold him and tell him it is a surprise!"

"Well that does sound like a fun date..." Alice said "All right I'll do it!"

Bob and Ichabod made their way out of the forest back to school, "What should we say?" Ichy asked

"I'll tell Takato I ate his wasabi." Bob said

"Hi Ichabod!" Alice said popping out from behind a tree surprising both of them

"Geez Alice!" Bob said "Scare the crud out of me why don't you?"

"Ichabod..." Alice said "Would you like to go on a secret hot date?"

Ichabod blushed bright red, and steam came out of his ears "Gee...I'd um..love to..." He said

"I have a special place in mind tonight Alice said but first put this on." She said handing him a blindfold

Ichy raised an eyebrow..."It's a surprise." Alice said

"Well OK, if you say so..." Ichy chuckled like an idiot and put the blindfold on

"Ichy, don't do it." Bob said clutching his arm "You know you have a 'condition'

"Oh to heck with it." Ichabod said knocking Bob away "I'm perfectly fine."

"Maybe I better come along too," Bob said.

Ichy laughed. "Don't worry, old buddy. I'll be alright."

Alice tied the blindfold tight around Ichabod's eyes and led him away.

Bob watched them go. "I sure hope you will be alright," he murmured.

Alice and Ichabod stumbled into the Sushi restaurant. Ichabod knocked over a chair because he couldn't see where he was going.

Hoshu, the waiter ran over to pick up the chair. "Hey, whatsa matter here? You be careful , huh? Why you cover eyes?"

"It's OK," Alice said. "I'm giving my friend a special treat. She picked up a menu. Bring us two of these," and she pointed at a meal on the menu.

Ichabod managed to sit down in a chair. "Who was that guy?"

"Nobody," Alice said. "Just be quiet for a minute and I'll give you a big surprise."

Ichabod unfortunetly had no idea what was coming to him, His love for Alice had made him forget about everything else...

He felt to soft little hands at the back of his head, undoing the blindfold, the soft fingers tickled the back of his head and he almost purred!

"My you seem frisky." Alice said undoing the knot

"I feel good." Ichabod said "Does this mean you want to go steady with me Alice?"

"You'll see" Alice said as she let the blindfold slip off his face instead of just removing it Ichabod felt almost sensuous jitters as the the cloth slid off his eyes and down his beak-like nose.

His eyes were closed for a moment or two, than he opened them and the sensuous feeling evaporated...

"Alice..."He asked, his voice quivering "Is...This a...a...a...Japanese restaruant?"

"Well yes." Alice said blushing "I heard you are mad for wasabi."

'Mad is only the tip of the iceberg' Ichabod thought bitterly 'I'm an effing junkie!'

"I can't stay here." Ichabod said rising from the table "I have too leave."

"Wait, wait!" Alice called grabbing his elbow "What's wrong?"

"Who told you I liked wasabi?" Ichabod asked feeling hot under the coller

"Brad Stud." Alice said "Ichabod, do you mean to say I was misled? That Brad set me up for a cruel prank and had me take you somewhere you loathed?"

Alice looked into her sky blue eyes, welling up with tears...Ichabod's soft little heart melted at the sight of those eyes, He sighed, he could not bear to lie to her, so he could only do two things say nothing, or tell her the truth...

But what could he tell her? Say 'Yes, It's true I like wasabi, in fact I like it TOO much, once I start eating it I just can't stop'

He thought breifly about telling her that but than he realized she would want a reason...and then he would have to tell her he was part elf...And that prospect frightend him, she either woulden't believe him or despise him as a freak...

Meanwhile outside the sushi bar, Brad Stud, waited with baited breath, hoping to expose Ichabod as a wasabi addict...To show to the world he was a freak,

Ichabod knew nothing of this and thought to himself 'If I have the will to just get up and leave the bar, I must not be as addicted as I thought...' He paused 'I'll just it the raw fish, and not touch the wasabi...Even if I choke on it'

"No..." Ichabod said "No you haven't been set up, let's just get back to the table..."

Their order arrived.

"Um...What is this dish again?" Ichabod asked

"It's Chirashi sushi." Alice said "I would have thought you'd be more familer with it."

'How could I?' Ichabod thought 'When I was too high to know what the names of the dishes were?'
"It sure looks good!" Ichabod said. The wooden plate contained rice covered with a number of tasty items. I'll be OK, he thought, as long as I don't put any wasabi sauce on it. He put a snow pea pod in his mouth and chewed the crunchy vegetable.

"Try the fish," Alice said.

Across the street at the laundromat, Brad Stud sat on a washing machine holding a pair of binoculars to his eyes. "That's it, Ickymongus, eat the sushi," he muttered. "Don't you want some wasabi on that?"

A lady doing her laundry glanced at Brad, wondering if he was a crazy person.
Ichabod sampled some of the raw fish, and nearly gagged.

He knew he didn't like raw fish, in reality, but he dare not put any wasabi on it.

"It's delishious...." Ichabod said coughing all the while, he picked up his glass of water, in order to wash the terrible taste out his mouth

"Is something the matter?" Alice asked

"No nothing..." Ichabod said meekly "Nothing at all."

"I ordered an extra large mound of wasabi for you." Alice said "Because you like it so much."

Ichabod blushed and looked down of that mound of green paste, His mind was torn between indulging a craving and doing the right thing...

'I'll just have one little taste...' Ichabod thought to himself 'Surely one little speck can't hurt'

He took one fraction of the wasabi, and spread it on the raw fish...He lifted the morsel to his lips....

Suddenly his pulse quickend, his pupils shrank, he felt the high coming on, he was losing himself to the sensation

Just than Bill came in, "There you are!" The Bull said "Bob told me you were in trouble."

"I'm not in trouble..." Ichabod gulping down his water to soothe the burn

"Oh yes you are!" Bill said grabbing his arm "Matoaka told me all about it"

"About what?" Alice asked

"Bill for pete's sake don't tell Alice!" Ichy pleaded

"Sorry Ichy but it's for your own good." Bill said
"Don't tell me what?" Alice said.

"No!" Ichabod yelled, and ran from the restaurant.

"What's going on?" Alice said.

Bill turned to go after Ichabod. "I'll tell you later. I have to catch him before he does something stupid."

In the laundromat, Brad Stud put down the binoculars and said a bad word. The lady who thought he was crazy stared at him and thought about calling the police.

Bill caught up with Ichabod and grabbed his sleeve. "Whoa! Slow down!"

Ichabod looked up at the sky. "Is everybody going to know about it? This is too much." He looked at Bill. "Who told you?"

Bill shrugged. "Does it matter? We're your friends, Ichy. We want to help you deal with this terrible thing that has happened to you."
Ichabod was extremely depressed when he heard this, he began to sob

Bill comorted his friend, patting him on the back "There, there It's ok I once had an addiction to beer."

"What will Alice think of me?" Ichabod wept into Bill's furry shoulder

"Oh, Let's not worry about that, Let's get you home."Bill took Ichabod home,
When they got to Ichabod's house, his mother and father were not home.

"That's odd," Ichabod said. "They didn't even leave a note or anything."

Bill shrugged. "They probably just stepped out for a minute. Are you going to be OK?"

"Sure! At least we don't have any wasabi here. What can go wrong?"

Bill cocked his head. "I think I hear a car in the driveway."

Ichabod looked out the window. "They're back."

(Twiga's edit, Sorry Steve have to edit here, Jonathan Crane would not go to a sushi place on account he has an addiction to wasabi too)
Jonathan and Pamela got out of the car, neither looked very pleased

"Ah Ichabod." His Mother said "There you are, We've been meaning to talk to you..."

"Um...What about?" Ichabod asked who feared he knew only too well

"We just got back from a PTA meeting" Jonathan said walking into the house with wife and son, and you're homeroom teacher gave us some very disapointing news."

"Disapointing?" Ichabod sqeaked completly afraid

"Yes I believe that Mr. Dokken told us that today you cutting classes and left school in the middle of the day!"

Jonathan was furious now "What have a taught you?!" He demanded "Have I taught you to play hookey?"

"Prof. Crane!" Bill piped up (For he had just entered the room) "It's not entirely Ichy's fault you see he has an addiction"

"An addiction?" Jonathan sneered "What addiction

"An addiction to wasabi." Bill replied

Jonathan looked positivly shocked when Bill said that, but Pamela scoffed "You don't get addicted to condiments!"

Jonathan however had become strangly sillent "Prof Crane." Bill said "It's all my fault really..." Bill blushed deeply

"You see me and the other boys wanted to to check out the new sushi place n Little Tokyo but only Ichabod was hesitant... "

Bill sat down "He didn't like the taste of raw fish, so my Half-Brother Bob told him to try the wasabi to cover up the fish taste..."

"I still don't believe Ichabod is addicted to a horseradish paste." Pamela said firmly "Right Jonathan?"

But Jonathan was sillent, compelty sillent he sat down in his favorite armchair

"All this time..." He said to himself "I never knew it was genetic."

"Jonathan." Pamela said harshly "You know something about this?"

Jonathan sat down and put his hand to his forehead. "I'm sorry, darling," Jomathan said. "I never told you about this. I never thought I would have to face it again."

"Told me about what?" Pamela said, sitting next to him, concern on her face.

Jonathan lowered his hand and sat up straight. "When I was a teenager I was addicted to wasabi."

Pamela gasped and put her hand to her mouth. She looked at Jonathan, looked at Ichabod, looked at Jonathan again. "So you think that it is..."

"It's got to be genetic," Jonathan said. "What other explanation is there for such a remarkable coincidence?"
Jonathan looked extremely upset he turned to Ichabod

"I'm sorry Ichabod." He said "I should have told you this long ago but I didn't and it left you vulnerable."

"F-Father." Ichabod stammered "When you were suffering from your addiction to wasabi, Did this happan to you?"

Ichabod than took off the gloves he was wearing to reveal his nails, Jonathan gasped

"No." He said quietly "No that never happaned to me while I was addicted to wasabi. I don't recall my body transforming at all."

"Bob took me to Matoaka to get my blood analyzed." Ichy said rubbing his hand "She said that I had some non-human blood in my veins that I inherrited from your side of the family, that I'm part elf."

Jonathan did not say anything for a while merely stroked his chin in thought "I better call up Jervis Tetch and Edward Nygma" He said "They helped me go cold turkey when I was the one with the addiction."

"The Mad Hatter and Riddler?" Bill asked "You've known them for that long?" Utterly perplexed

"Yes," Jonathan said. "I've known them that long. It's an interesting story that I'll tell you if you're interested, but first I have to do something about Ichabod."

Jonathan called Edward Nygama to arrange for a meeting with Ichabod.

Pamela looked around. "Well! I suppose we can't eat the Japanese food. Do you boys want to go get something else?"

"I guess I should be heading home," Bill said.

"No, don't go yet," Ichabod said. "Stick around and we'll go get something to eat. My dad will pay for it."

"Yes," Pamela said. "Please stay. It's fine with us. We want you to stay."

"Well OK," Bill said chuckling nervously "As long as you guys aren't making beef, on account of the fact that I AM beef."

Meanwhile Matoaka Redfeather was in her science lab still studying Ichabod's blood

"Interesting..." She said to hersellf as she studied the blood molicules "This new Elf-Like blood seems to be very sensitive to iron!"

She didn't understand the implications of an ELf/Human Hybrid's sensitivity to iron, mostly because of her limited knowaldge of magical creatures, she yawned

"I suppose I shall have to find out more later." She said and she headed off to bed

After a rather non-descript supper The Family and Bill reterned home, Ichabod was so tired who could barely keep from nodding off, as the got home he quickly made his way upstairs put on his PJs and quickly nodded off

He had a rather bizarre dream, He dreamt he lived in a fairy-tale world as the only son of a poor peasant,

He dreamt a narrator speaking the words 'Long ago in a far away land, A poor peasant lived in a cottage with his only son'

'That's already been established.' Ichabod thought sourly

'Now this young boy was greedy for one thing and one thing only, wasabi'

The Narrator continued, 'Now his Father did not have the time or the money to be buying him wasabi all the time, so the Father told the Son that he would just have to make do with the family's meager fare no matter how tiresome it may be'

Ichabod felt himself running like the length of a shadow in the night to an Abby Wall

'So the young boy resorted to stealing the roots of the coveted vegtable' The Narrator said 'From a powerful Abbess'

Ichabod felt himself digging up the roots of the Japanese Horseradish plant, he lifted the root to his lips and he tasted the delishous spicyness, he let out a low, sexual sounding moan

Suddenly a light turned on and a door opened A lady who looked like a nun came out

"What are you doing in my root garden?" asked the lady.

Ichabod could say nothing. He could only stare.

After a moment the lady said, "You may be the one. Come into my room."

She held the door open for him and Ichabod moved as if in a trance straight into the Abby.

"Remove your clothes," she said.

Ichabod began to tremble, but his fingers moved as if now they obeyed her instead of him. He removed his shirt and trousers and underwear.

"Stand still," she said.

Ichabod stood naked before her. While he was undressing he had become aroused. He tried to cover his genitals with his hands, but the lady gestured and his hands obeyed her and fell to his sides.

His face was flushed and hot and he was embarrassed to be standing naked with a stiff penis in an abby while a stern-looking woman inspected him.
Ichabod tossed and turned in his sleep moaning and panting from his erotic nightmares. He woke up feeling dazed and confused

Ichabod felt his hunger for wasabi had only increased through this erotic nightmare.

He felt he needed wasabi, or else something that tasted like Wasabi, He headed to the kitchen

He serched through the fridge, and through the cubbards, he found some hot suace

"Thank Gods." Ichabod said as he lifted the bottle to his lips

"Well it has a kick but where's the heart?" Ichabod asked, nonetheless he drank the bottle of hot sauce.

The door opened and Bob came in

"I hope no one notices I'm tresspassing." Bob said as he snuck into the kitchen

Bob, noticed Ichabod in the kitchen

"OH! Uh...Don't mind me, I just forgot my green sweater." He said picking a sweater off the chair. Than he noticed the bottle in Ichabod's hand

"Are you drinking Hot Sauce?" He asked

"No." Ichabod said sheepishly holding the bottle behind his back

Bob looked hard at Ichabod. "Then why are you hiding it behind your back? I saw the bottle. There's only two things that are red in a bottle and that's ketchup and hot sauce and ketchup doesn't come in small bottles like that."

"I'm not hiding it behind my back," Ichabod said and showed Bob the bottle. "See?"

Bob cocked his head sideways. "Something funny is going on, Ichabod. Are you going to become a condiment addict and start eating mayonnaise out of the jar with your fingers?"

Ichabod grinned at Bob's teasing. "Nooo. I just had a bad dream and thought maybe I would make a sandwich. That's all."

"Don't you know eating at night just makes your dreaming worse?"

"Really?" Ichabod sat the hot sauce back in the fridge. "OK. Fine. I won't make a sandwich. Are you happy now?"

"Take care of yourself, Ichy," Bob said as he left with his sweater. "I'm worried about you."

"Yeah, yeah. Goodnight."
Ichabod sighed, He was drenched in sweat from his own nightmares, He decieded he'd sleep on the sofa, rather than go back to his bed which was probaly sticky from sweating in it.

So he curled up on the sofa and fell asleep, lucky for him he had no more nightmares.

When he woke up, he saw his parents sitting down in the armchairs across from the sofa, His father was reading the newspaper while his mother was tending a potted plant

"Morning..." Pamela said "Oh, and before you say anything, Bob called us and told us about what you were doing in the middle of the night...Drinking condiments out of the bottle..."

'That snitch...' Ichabod thought bitterly

"He also told us you were suffering from bad dreams" Jonathan said "Ichabod, when I was addicted to the stuff I suffered horrible nightmares, it means you're getting further and further into the addiction."

Ichabod squirmed in his seat, he knew it was true, that he was getting worse...

"OK, OK...You're right." Ichabod said "I think I'll go to a ten-step meeting at The Mikado right now..."

Ichabod tried to run out the door

But someone was ready for him, Bob sprung from behind a bush and grabbed Ichabod by the hair!

"Ow! Ow!" Ichabod cried as Bob dragged him back into the house

His Father than took him by the wrist and dragged him upstairs

"I'm sorry to have to do this Ichabod but it's for your own good!" He said

He opened up his son's bedroom and dragged him in

"How long do I have to stay in here?" Ichabod asked

"It may take a few hours, It may take a few days but there is no other way to beat this thing."

"Coulden't it be one of those things we just accept?" Ichabod asked

Jonathan shook his head, "I know how you feel." His Father said gently "I went through the exact same thing when I had my addiction." He turned to Bob who was in the room with them

"Bob I want you to keep Ichabod safe Whatever happens do not let him leave this house!"

"Aye Aye Proffesor!" Bob said cheerfully

"I'll go get Edward Nygma and Jervis Tetch." Jonathan said

Ichabod sat on the floor with his back against his bed. Bob sat in the desk chair.

"You can't stay here all day," Ichabod said.

Bob shrugged. "Maybe not. You do want to break your addiction, don't you?"

Ichabod looked at the ceiling. "I guess so... but I sure could use a mouthful of wasabi right now. It cleans your mouth, you know, and prevents disease."

"Really?" Bob laughed. "You'll say anything to make wasabi look good."

Ichabod scowled. "I don't have to make wasabi look good, Bob. Wasabi is good!"

Bob sighed. "Oh my old friend Ichabod. You're going to laugh at yourself when this is over and you are cured."

"I'm not sick. I like wasabi. So what? Big deal. It's you guys who are sick with your overreaction."

"What about your nightmares?"

Ichabod shuddered. "Everybody has dreams."
Bob tapped his clawed fingers against his muzzle than he got a wicked idea

"I have an idea..." Bob said with a sly grin, of something we can do that will keep you occupied while at the same time making you never want wasabi ever again."

"Oh Really?" Ichabod "What is that?"

"Simple." Bob said "You go over my knees and I spank you long and hard until I'm convinced you don't like wasabi any more."

Ichabod suddenly became very afraid as Bob said that "Oh No." Ichy said "You're not really serious about that..."

"I'm deadly serious." Bob said as he approached Ichabod who backed onto the bed

"N--N-Now Bob" Ichabod stammered "We don't want to do something we'll regret..."

"You've already done something you regret." Bob said "You've got an addiction

He reached up and grabbed Ichabod by the hair, Ichabod hissed with pain

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." Bob said in almost reptilian tone "Which will it be?"

"Can I least keep my pants on, only to spare my shame..."

"I grant you that." Bob smirked

Ichabod shed a tear in self-pity and allowed himself to be draped over Bob's knees, Bob sat in a little chair in Ichabod's room and because Ichabod was so much taller, he had to rest with his elbows on the floor.

"I've waited a long time for this moment." Bob said "Now I'm going to get you back for all those time you called me fat.."

Ichabod clutched his head and tried to brace himself for the blow, nothing happened and Ichabod was confused, as soon as he relaxed, Bob's mighty paw swated his ass!

"Ye_OW!" Ichy cried

"That will teach you to call me fat!" Bob sneered landing anouther blow on Ichy's rump

"Owch!" Ichabod cried, his big clumsy feet kicking out, But Bod held his feet down

"Let this (SMACK) Be a lesson (SWAT) To all skinny guys (SPLAT) Who think they no better than fat guys!"

He than dug his claws in into Ichabod's ass, that really hurt!

"I hope you now know I felt all those years I was fat." Bob hissed picnching "Ichabod's rump with his claws "I hope you now know how it feels to want something really bad, but you can't have it because it will hurt you the more you crave it!"

Ichabod had listened to Bob's rant as he smacked him, and he felt ashamed he remembered all those times he teased Bob for being overweight...Now he knew what it was like to crave something..."I'm sorry" He whispered

Bob smirked satisfied he had proven his point "Good." He said He began to knead Ichabod's rump gently "There, there Love." He said "I won't hurt you anymore" He pulled back Ichabod's shirt and planted a kiss on the small of his back

Ichabod began to sob feeling more humilated than ever "Please," He sniffled "Punish me if you must, but don't treat me like your little plaything . It's too humilating!"

Bob stopped realizing that know he was taking unfair advantage of him Suddenly, Ichy's stomach let out an enormous growl!

"Ye Gods!" Bob said "That's the loudest rumble I've ever heard out of you."

"Ichabod blushed

"Do you think you'd be willing to eat something not wasabi?" Bob asked

"At this point." Ichabod whispered "I'm willing to eat anything not wasabi"
"Very Good." Bob said "Why don't you wait here while I fix you something."

With that Bob left the room, Ichabod rubbed his smarting bottom and sighed Seemed Bob's spanking was just the thing to wack some sense into him...Ichabod sat down on the bed, winching from the pain that radiated from his seat and he thought about what had just happened to him.

It seemed Bob's anger was well justified, For as long as he could remember Ichabod had been shunned and hated for being the Son of Scarecrow and Poison Ivy, so really he should no better, and yet all the same he teased and made fun of Bob for being fat

He remembered one time at lunch


"Aw Man I parched!" Bob exclaimed as he reached for his ice-cold can of Diet Coke

"You shoulden't drink that crap."
Ichabod said "You're too fat already."

"It isn't good to be too thin either." Bob sassed back

"Perhaps but at least my arteries aren't clogged with ugly yellow plague"

Bob looked positvly hurt and began to cry


"I really should have known better." Ichabod said sadly to himself, his eyelids drooped he was beginning to feel sleepy.

He drifted into sleep. He began to dream He imagened a door in the air, he heard music radiating from it.

He opened the door and saw the entrance to his school, all the students were there, but they were all dressed in animal costumes, The Sushi Chef from the Mikado was there slicing fish.

The students began to sing.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, four fish We don't care just give us more fish!"

Two football players dreesed up like lizards pushed Ichabod inside the school, everywhere there were tables piled high with sasimi and wasabi!

"Stack that Raw Fish ten miles high! Pour on Wasabi and my oh my! The answer to the riddle to fill up middle..."

A teacher dressed as a monkey "The answer to the riddle is fish on the spittle!"

'Now they are just teasing me.' Ichabod thought sobbing

Bob was in the kitchen trying to find something Ichabod would like, But the more he thought about it the more he realized that he knew nothing about what Ichabod liked! Ichabod had always seemed disinterested in food not really caring or tasting what was in his mouth...

He heard a thump upstairs, and Bob rushed upstairs, to his surprise he saw Ichabod on the floor still sleeping peacefully as if nothing had happened

"Just than Bob rembered something he heard Pamela say That "Ichabod loved camomile tea, when he had a cold."

"I may as well give it a shot." Bob said

Bob fumbled around in the kitchen cabinets until he found where Pamela kept the Camomile tea.

A few minutes later he was on his way upstairs with a tray holding a steaming teapot and two cups. He could hear Ichabod snoring in his bedroom.

That was a problem. Why give Ichabod something to relax him if he was already asleep? But Ichabod solved that problem by having a nightmare. His feet kicked the floor and he began to shout, "No! No! I don't want to! Don't make me do it!"

Bob shook his shoulder. "Wake up, Ichabod. You're having a dream."

Ichabod sat up and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I don't think I will ever sleep well again."

"Try some of this," Bob said, and poured a cup of Chamomile tea.

"Thank you..." Ichabod said as he took the cup gently in his hands and began to drink the warm liquid.

Bob looked at him warmly

"This is good..." Ichabod said as he sipped it "Did you by any chance flavor this with..."

"Honey, Yes I did." Bob said grinning

"How did you know?" Ichabod inquired

"I vauglely remember overhearing your Mom saying you liked it that way." Bob whispered

Bob took something from behind his back "Oh, and I brought the fruit bowl upstairs, you know in case you wanted fruit."

"You're too kind..." Ichabod whispered as he drank the tea deeper...

Bob sighed and sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his forehead

"The trouble is..." Bob began to say "You're very vocal on stating what you DON'T like to eat but you're not nearly as vocal on what you DO like to eat."

"Really I am?" Ichabod inquired

"Well I don't remember the last time you mentioned a food you liked..." Bob said "In fact, When we were at The Mikado for the very first time and you were eating Wasabi, the was first time I saw you happy to be eating!"

"Really?" Ichabod asked, reaching into the bowl for a strawberry "I guess I should spend less time in my head and pay more attention to what's in my mouth." He placed the berry in his mouth and gently nibbled it

The next day dawned with the usual sunrise and birds singing. Bob had fallen asleep in Ichabod's room. He rubbed his eyes. "Holy cow! I fell asleep!"

Ichabod was already awake. "I just woke up myself."

Jomathan Crane knocked on the door. "Are you boys awake?"

"Come on in, Dad."

"Today is the day," Jonathan said. "I've arranged for you to meet with Jervis Tetch and Edward Nygama this morning."

"What time?"

"Around eleven. And they're going to eat lunch with us."

Mr Crane looked at Bob. "You're welcome to stay. We have plenty of food."

"No," Bob said. "I really better get home. I didn't intend to fall asleep here and my folks will be worried."

"No they won't. They called here last night and I told them you were here."

"Thanks, Mr. Crane."
Ichabod exited his room, he greeted the former Mad Hatter and Riddler

"I think I've gone through most of the withdrawl..." Ichabod said shyly "I don't think I want anymore wasabi..."

"You may think so but there is only one way to find out for sure...." Edward Nygma said

They explaned to Bob what he had to do...So Bob ran to the store and bought a tube of wasabi and Jervis Tetch spread the suace over an entire raw onion...The three men presented the plate before Ichabod who trembled for a second but closed his eyes, looked away, and pushed the plate away from himself crying out "No!"

"Oh Very good..." His Father sighed relieved "So...How do you feel?"

"Like I want wasabi...." Ichabod said sadly "But I guess that's always how I'm going to feel, I guess I just have to take it one day at a time until I can...you know stop thinking about it..."

"We're all very proud of you." Jervis Tetch said "You did even better than your father. It took him three days to overcome his addiction."

"Thank you very much for bringing that up." Jonathan growled through gnashed teeth

"Well I suppose I should start gettng my life back together." Ichabod said turning to leave the house

"Not so fast." Jonathan said "The proper thing to do would give you some kind of parental lecture but since you've clearly already learned your lesson, than you may tell us what you have learned."

"Well," Ichabod began "I learned that if I ever start going through any kind of difficulty I should tell my parents about it, No matter how silly it seems..."

"Go on..." Jonathan said

"...And I should realize that my family and friends are always there for me...And This may not be part of it, But I also learned that I should be more appreciative of the physical pleasures in my life and not live in my head so much, and to be more compassionate towards other's flaws"
"Hmmm" Jonathan said as he rubbed his chin "It seems that you have taken more from this experiance than I did myself."

"So." Bob said "Let's eat! I bet your famished Ichabod!"

Meanwhile, in anouther Universe a magic pool of water showed the events that transpired in this story, The Queen of elves clenched her fist and growled.

"Those little insolent pests!" She snarled, "Stealing my heir!"

She gathered a handful of snow, "That Ichabod doesen't know it yet, But I will transform him into a complete elf and make him the heit to my kingdom..."

The Elf servants around her snickered

"First I must find a way to dispatch of those little animals he calls friends, than He should be easy enough to seduece away to Fairyland."

Who is this Mysterious Queen of Elves? Why does she want Ichabod as her heir? Find out next time!

The End!

© Copyright 2009 Twiga, Steev the Friction Wizurd, xx-xx, xx-xx, (known as GROUP).
All rights reserved.
GROUP has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/campfires/item_id/1578554-I-Do-Not-Eat-Wasabi