House of Reviews

Here are some suggestions for pruning this down in order to tighten it up and sharpen the impact. I do like "spill the lie in the truth" because it sounds like adding cream to tea. The "haunted house" image is also good. Also like the concreteness of the teacup at the end.

The only thing I might want to hear added is some idea of what kind of ache this is--WHAT does the speaker think he/she has done that would make God notice? That really makes me curious.

Delete the following (Not really needed):
(The first words) Here/Alone.

A message for the Throne
On the other side.

God is. (THAT one I'll leave up to you. But I'd cut it)

Over what I've done

Admit to all my sins.

charred
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Add:

All this and more
And more
I’ll take,
If only
His love
Or else His wrath
Is here with me.

Maybe revise that last line--"Is here with me" could be strengthened. How would it feel to feel that love or wrath?

Thanks for posting, and I apologize for the delay in the review.