Erotica Harem

Title of Story: Her Wakeup Call

Chapter #:

Author: Sonny

Setting: Bedroom

Characters: Sam and Nikki

Referencing: Good – I think I’ve been to the “Y’all Come Back” Store. Did not care for the term “brights” – a bit misogynistic or sexist, but, this is the South, numsayin’?

Plot: Plot does not matter – just a little sex story.

Grammar: Grammar was fine, maybe needed some punctuation fixes.

General:
You seemed to have difficulty getting started but, once into the “Action,” the story rolled.

“It was hard not to notice them. It was before Sam…” I suggest that the “It was…” start on a new paragraph. Also, instead of “It was…” I would say something like “He first laid eyes on her when…”

“Nikki came inside the store.” Maybe “sashayed” or “strolled” _tell us about her hips, maybe.

“She was wearing a white tank top that clung to her. It was so tight it almost looked as if it had been painted on her, recalled Sam. There was no bra underneath, a fact aptly demonstrated because she had her "brights" on. Nikki's nipples stood out prominently beneath the white cotton cloth.” Suggestion: (Something like): “Unfettered by a bra, her nipples stood out beneath the tight, white tank top that seemed to be painted on her body.”






Keiko Alvarez – The Japanese Cowgirl Author of Erotica and Slightly Dark Goddess
http://www.keikoalvarez.com
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **