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by TimM Author IconMail Icon
Rated: XGC · Message Forum · Adult · #619464

We like it hot and sexy!

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Jan 18, 2008 at 7:43am
#1655751
Review of Zoe's Return, Chapter 1
by A Non-Existent User
Title of Story: Zoe’s Return

Chapter #: 1

Author: Pat

Setting: Hollywood post-premiere party

Characters: Zoe and Kevin (main characters)

Referencing: Good – I liked ‘sheesh”.

Plot: Zoe and Kevin doing first get together give and take, although Zoe does not want to give

Grammar: No issues

General:
Builds excitement quite nicely.

A lot of “as he” and “as she”. Perhaps take a look at those areas and create multiple sentences. Not a big issue, though.


Keiko Alvarez – The Japanese Cowgirl Author of Erotica and Slightly Dark Goddess
http://www.keikoalvarez.com
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Review of Zoe's Return, Chapter 1 · 01-18-08 7:43am
by A Non-Existent User

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