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by TimM Author IconMail Icon
Rated: XGC · Message Forum · Adult · #619464

We like it hot and sexy!

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Sep 24, 2008 at 11:53am
#1791281
Review: Zoe's Return: Chapter 18: Pat
by Sephina Author IconMail Icon
Setting: Since they were in the same bedroom there was little need for more details. I was fine with the setting.

Characters: Zoe comes to realizations about herself. At first she is terrified but, Dominick is able to… calm her? Maybe make her not scared? By the end of the chapter she seems to accept what she is, at least at the moment.

Referencing: I didn’t notice anything out of place.

Plot: More pieces of the plot are parceled out throughout the chapter. Zoe has flashes of memory and Dominick feels in some of it for the readers. Zoe was supposed unite the demons or defeat them. I guess she still might… *Smile* Malakai raised her. This merging of all that Dominick says is the last stage, makes me wonder if Dominick is going to become a part of her some how. Very interesting…

Grammar: I noticed two typos. It’s in the shortened line by line below.

Just my personal opinion: I don’t have any suggestions for this chapter. Your sex scenes are nearly always flawless and capable of pulling the reader into the story. Great job!

Line by Line: I didn’t notice to many things wrong in this chapter, so I just pulled out the things I noticed.

He pulled her flushflesh? against him, breasts crushed to that muscled chest. Head tilted to maintain that deep, probing contact, Zoe leaned into hard male strength. His rigid cock branded her through the silk of the borrowed shirt. Anticipation seared every nerve, exploded through each cell, leaving her craving him, body, mind, and blood. And heart...?

The orgasm exploded through her, each spasm clutching at him, and still her plunged again and again. As the final inner contraction faded, he remained rock hard inside her. He dragged his mouth from her breast, licked up the small beads of blood, and rolled.

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Review: Zoe's Return: Chapter 18: Pat · 09-24-08 11:53am
by Sephina Author IconMail Icon
Re: Review: Zoe's Return: Chapter 18: Pat · 09-24-08 4:09pm
by Patricia Oshier Stepp Author IconMail Icon

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