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February 21, 2025 at 1:15 am

#3714212

Show Don't Tell

by BoB_618

So, I'm just working on some 'Show Don't Tell' as you can tell by the title.

Here is the short piece :

------------------------------------------- START -----------------------------------------

“Here !” she waved it like a banner: a velvet-soft, fragrant tissue that caressed my cheeks with each pass. ”Take it!” she insisted; therefore, I had to comply. Afterward, I picked up a small, square box wrapped in red with a yellow ribbon and bow. Since I intended to open it elegantly, I began picking squirrelly at one corner.
However, because of their annoying stares, I thought I was fumbling, and my palms were sweaty. Ultimately, I abandoned any classy or dignified method and ripped into it; the red wrapping fluttered to the floor.
“It’s a necklace.” disappointed I mumbled.
Snap! Snap! Her anxious finger-snaps followed by her open hand. Impatiently, she’s waiting. Again, I complied. I placed the necklace in her hand; immediately, like a jeweler, she looked at it for a brief moment before she voiced her opinion.
“It’s St. Joseph, the patron saint.” Our eyes met, and I shuddered at her commanding – unforgiving stare. “Just be certain that you always wear this; he’ll watch over you, Bobby!”
“Yes, ma’am.” I squeaked.
Straightaway, I placed it around my neck.

----------------------------------------- END -----------------------------------------------------

My question is with the First Line Of Paragraph Three

Snap ! Snap ! Her anxious finger-snaps were followed by her open hand. Impatiently, she’s waiting.

It just feels like I'm telling and not showing.

I am trying to describe a woman snapping her fingers in his face. This is to imply that she wants him to hand over the necklace for her to observe closely.

Is there a better way to describe her doing this action but not telling ?

February 17, 2025 at 4:28 pm

#3714336

Re: Show Don't Tell

by BIG BAD WOLF is Merry