Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/1127358-Misfortune-Cookies
Rated: 18+ · In & Out · Activity · #1127358
The perfect end to a lousy dinner.
You already know you won't be coming back to the restaurant. The wait for a table was inexcusable, the service bordered on rude, you're pretty sure someone peed in the wonton soup, and we won't even talk about the unidentifiable bits in the moo goo gai pan. Even the tea was weak. Now, you've just received the check - of course, the numbers are all wrong, and the bastards have included a 23% gratuity! Fuming, you pick the cookie up off the foodstained check tray and unwrap it. Breaking it apart, you carefully pluck the slip of paper from its stale shell and read the words of wisdom inscribed thereon.

Your eyes widen, and gorge rises in your throat. You've just been handed a


Banner for the Misfortune Cookies In/Out

Tired of the banality of your average fortune cookie? Now's your chance to change that! Simply come up with what you think that slip of paper should say. Make it something you would, perhaps, wish on your worst enemy. Make it sad, depressing, outrageous, funny. In short, do your worst.

And to keep things interesting, I will award 1000 GPs to the author of my favorite entry whenever this list rolls over! Of course, if I'm not online when it rolls over, I may miss a few - but it's okay to repost ones that have disappeared!

Please limit entries to a short sentence or two; something that would fit on a tiny slip of paper inside a cookie. To give everyone a chance, please do not enter if you already have five entries visible - wait for at least one to scroll off the bottom. Other than that, let your imagination run wild (with the rat whose brother you probably just ate)!


Silver is 2 to the 5th Power
You were right about the soup.

You will die, slowly, from food poisoning. Tonight.

Cookie tastes like ass, doesn't it? You think that's a coincidence?

Ms Kimmie
The greatest bliss lasts but a moment; the child support payments last much longer.

Melissa is fashionably late!
No matter how much makeup you put on, you're still going to be ugly.

Ms Kimmie
Live as though today is the last day of your life! It is.

Haiku Fortune: Winter is coming. Snow is falling on the ground. Too bad-you're stuck here.

Midnight Dawn
In everyone's life a little rain must fall. You, however, would be wise to invest in flood insurance immediately.

Did that chinese man give you indigestion?

Ravenwand, Rising Star!
It only tasted like chicken!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

That's not daylight you're seeing at the end of the tunnel.

Ric The Woolicane
You will take up walking. Your car has been stolen.

So many cats, so few recipes.....

Breezy-E ~ In College
You will have to eat here for the rest of your short life.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Cook has the runs. So will you.

You will die unless you avoid the

LJPC - the tortoise
Thith ithn't a fortune cookie, you idiot! Now, let go of my tongue, and put me back on the floor where you found me.

Featured in Contests and Activities Newsletter, 3/7/07, by terryjroo
Featured in Horror/Scary Newsletter, 11/11/09, by darkin

By: It Was buddhangela All Along @ 09-08-22 @ 9:48am
Drink some water. It might help dilute the rat poison in the tea.

By: ~ShadowMoon~🌌 @ 09-08-22 @ 3:05am
Next time, get a booth by the restrooms. You will be needing it.

By: It Was buddhangela All Along @ 09-01-22 @ 6:35pm
You ignored the warning signs. You'll begin projectile vomiting in five, four, three, two...

By: ForeverDreamer @ 03-21-22 @ 2:28pm
The chef doesn't know how to properly prepare the fugu

By: ForeverDreamer @ 03-21-22 @ 2:15pm
Don Corleone knows what you did to his daughter.

By: ForeverDreamer @ 03-21-22 @ 1:34pm
Today is the first day of the last week of your life.

By: Stik's Across the Pond! @ 06-12-17 @ 8:06am
This meal will prove why they decided to name the location review site Yelp.

By: Prosperous Snow @ 07-01-16 @ 12:46am
This is your unlucky day. Go back to bed.

By: Grandma Penguin needs help @ 06-29-16 @ 11:55pm
You look cute in that shirt. Red really does suit you.

By: Wordsmitty ✍️ @ 04-21-13 @ 3:42am
You enjoyed the meal and will pay smiling. The Mafia is always right.

By: Soccie @ 04-21-13 @ 3:29am
Lint would have tasted better.

By: Prosperous Snow @ 03-15-13 @ 5:36pm
You will be hungry again in one hour and you will still be in this restaurant.

By: Summer Wind is Healing @ 02-08-13 @ 12:42pm
Soon, your cookie will crumble and you'll be left with a crummy face

By: Grandma Penguin needs help @ 02-02-13 @ 10:57am
Do not let the lack of running water in our restrooms concern you.

By: drifter @ 02-01-13 @ 3:07pm
Cookie crumbling, fate for the bumbling.

By: Grandma Penguin needs help @ 09-13-12 @ 10:53am
You will meet a tall, dark, handsome man. He is a serial killer.

By: Maryann @ 09-11-12 @ 4:55pm
Wise men say, bad service catches up to you with the trip advisers..

By: Grandma Penguin needs help @ 06-12-12 @ 3:44pm
Don't worry about the rodents.

By: Hermatt @ 06-12-12 @ 10:57am
Missing pet cockroach. Last seen streching legs in kitchen

By: H2O2Whine @ 05-31-12 @ 10:15pm
Inspected by Number 12

By: Dr. ET @ 01-20-12 @ 11:22pm
Before you give it away, someone will try to take it from you.

By: Julia Tamzyn @ 01-19-12 @ 4:09pm
This cookie costs $100. No refunds once opened.

By: DRSmith @ 01-18-12 @ 5:49pm
So solly, "human" chicken breast not misspelled... is real tough tittie

By: Sylvia Anderson @ 06-24-11 @ 7:03pm
You'll never guess what the chef did while cooking your meal... it has something to do with why it took so long....

By: Sylvia Anderson @ 06-24-11 @ 7:01pm
The soup doesn't just taste like pee.

Total Displayed: 25

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