by Robert Waltz
The perfect end to a lousy dinner.
You already know you won't be coming back to the restaurant. The wait for a table was inexcusable, the service bordered on rude, you're pretty sure someone peed in the wonton soup, and we won't even talk about the unidentifiable bits in the moo goo gai pan. Even the tea was weak. Now, you've just received the check - of course, the numbers are all wrong, and the bastards have included a 23% gratuity! Fuming, you pick the cookie up off the foodstained check tray and unwrap it. Breaking it apart, you carefully pluck the slip of paper from its stale shell and read the words of wisdom inscribed thereon.
Your eyes widen, and gorge rises in your throat. You've just been handed a
Tired of the banality of your average fortune cookie? Now's your chance to change that! Simply come up with what you think that slip of paper should say. Make it something you would, perhaps, wish on your worst enemy. Make it sad, depressing, outrageous, funny. In short, do your worst.
And to keep things interesting, I will award 1000 GPs to the author of my favorite entry whenever this list rolls over! Of course, if I'm not online when it rolls over, I may miss a few - but it's okay to repost ones that have disappeared!
Please limit entries to a short sentence or two; something that would fit on a tiny slip of paper inside a cookie. To give everyone a chance, please do not enter if you already have five entries visible - wait for at least one to scroll off the bottom. Other than that, let your imagination run wild (with the rat whose brother you probably just ate)!
Silver is 2 to the 5th Power
You were right about the soup.
You will die, slowly, from food poisoning. Tonight.
Cookie tastes like ass, doesn't it? You think that's a coincidence?
The greatest bliss lasts but a moment; the child support payments last much longer.
Melissa is fashionably late!
No matter how much makeup you put on, you're still going to be ugly.
Live as though today is the last day of your life! It is.
Haiku Fortune: Winter is coming. Snow is falling on the ground. Too bad-you're stuck here.
In everyone's life a little rain must fall. You, however, would be wise to invest in flood insurance immediately.
Did that chinese man give you indigestion?
Ravenwand, Rising Star!
It only tasted like chicken!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
That's not daylight you're seeing at the end of the tunnel.
Ric The Woolicane
You will take up walking. Your car has been stolen.
So many cats, so few recipes.....
Breezy-E ~ In College
You will have to eat here for the rest of your short life.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Cook has the runs. So will you.
You will die unless you avoid the
LJPC - the tortoise
Thith ithn't a fortune cookie, you idiot! Now, let go of my tongue, and put me back on the floor where you found me.
Featured in Contests and Activities Newsletter, 3/7/07, by terryjroo
Featured in Horror/Scary Newsletter, 11/11/09, by darkin
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