Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks
by deemac
Rated: 18+ · In & Out · Comedy · #986307
A Linerick is a Limerick written one piece at a time!
WELCOME TO LINERICKS ... that's Limericks written a line or two at a time!

So whether you're that
Old Lady from Aachen
or that
Young Man from Zurich

or indeed anyone from anywhere in between, if you're addicted to Limericks, just add your line whenever! *Laugh*

*Note1* NOTES:

*Bullet* For a quick refresher on how best to structure a Limerick, check out https://tinyurl.com/ykmpx2ym

*Bullet*PLEASE DO NOT POST COMPLETE LIMERICKS. The main purpose of the In&Out is to share the blame fun, so please add just one piece at a time.

*Bullet*If a fifth line has already been posted, please go ahead and start the next one off. OR ... feel free to add an alternative/additional fifth line if you like!

*Bullet*To make for easier reading, please colour tag each first line.

*Bullet*Linericks should be witty, with plenty of euphemisms and innuendo. Our 18+ rating means bawdiness is OK, but not as a substitute for cleverness; so please, NO gratuitous lewdness.

*Bullet*PS: Having fun is compulsory!

Cause? Vibrations (say reports) / Of crystals of quartz (deemac )

"Get outta heat" to believe I'm inclined (Dad )

Speeding up as temperatures climb. (deemac )

There's this new kid moved into our block (deemac )

I suspect that he's picking my lock (Roscoe )

To Mom, he's ain't confessing. //. Her underwear's missing (Dad )

Along with my best Sunday frock. *Blush* (deemac )

I'm bemused by the 'humour' of drag (Roscoe )

Wearing frocks doesn't save a poor gag (Roscoe )

Should I heave? Should I spit? // Should I choke? Should I ... Ah, *ahem* *Blush* er, um, play tiddlywinks ? (Dad )

I suggest you just split for a fag ( no Dad, 'fag' is british slang for a cigarette ) (Roscoe )

OT:. Actually I kñew that! I read a few British authors and I must have picked it up from one of them. On the other hand, I don't think I'll ever get used to a bonnet on the lorry! (Dad )

At Church today, Gran wore a bonnet (deemac )

With the words Kiss Me Quick printed on it (deemac )

She was kissed by the vicar / the parson tried to nick her (Dad )

Pearl blouse brooch - he intended to pawn it (Roscoe )

*Laugh* At the sign of the old 3 brass balls (deemac )

You'll find me, 'fore the court bailiff calls *Sad* (Roscoe )

With my old theremin / to atone for my sin *Cry* (Roscoe )

So my possessions the sheriff won't haul! (Dad )

Well I wanna tell ya the story (Dad )

Of my latest attempt amatory (Roscoe )

She served me a platter / Of taramasalata (deemac )

In her papa's café, Πευκοχώρι... *Cool* Okay, okay, for the uninitiated, Pefkohori (deemac )

She smiled as she swayed past my table (deemac )

Her hips said she's available (Dad )

Her dress off the shoulder // told me I should get bolder (Dad )

Her face tattoos warned me she's unstable *Sad* (Roscoe )

"Take your order?" she asked, with a grin (deemac )

"The menu's tattooed on my chin" (deemac )

"For desserts have a peek / at my left buttock cheek " (Roscoe )

"Drinks? On left ankle and right wrist, again!" (Dad )

OR... "But for that, you will need to log in." " (deemac )

Got sick while I was in California (Dad )

Said Mom, ”I tried to warn ya!" (Dad )

"I told you not to dally / 'Tasting' wines, Napa Valley" (Roscoe )

"Don't post this, or the laugh'll be on ya!" (deemac )

No man should need telling twice (deemac )

"Never ignore wife's advice!" (deemac )

Because ten to one, chum, / that will bite you on bum (Roscoe )

Which - in most cases - ain't very nice. (deemac )

Tomorrow I'm planning to buy (deemac )

Protection against all the succubi (Dad )

Your marriage they'll destroy // as with you they toy (Dad )

*Blush* Like that fling with Beyoncé and I? (Roscoe )

Today, by hook or crook I'll acquire (deemac )

That which my heart most desires (Dad )

ie, A bar for my electric fire (deemac )

The old one unwound / And strangled my hound *Sob* (deemac )

Who made sounds strangely like our church choir (Roscoe )

Choir hits notes 🎶 that're not heard in Paradise (Dad )

Must have Heavenly earplugs I surmise (Roscoe )

Cuz apart from the screeching / there is all the beseeching (Roscoe )

In the originals the choir director supplies *Frown* *ThumbsDownR* *Shock2* *Gag* *Sick* (Dad )

OT: *Laugh* Reminds me of a famous composer yelling "Assassins!" at an orchestra playing his music... (Roscoe )

9T: I remember hearing about that! *Laugh* (Dad )

Laughing at things well remembered (Dad )

Whilst facing hurricane in September (Dad )

We escaped Ian's wrath! // To the south moved his path. (Dad )

Local pol claims it's service he rendered? *RollEyes* (Seriously though, very relieved to hear your news after seeing tv reports on the devastation) (Roscoe )

Start a Linerick using a word I didn't know (Dad )

Might give sesquipedalianism a go (Roscoe )

With large words I sound sensational // or am I hallucinational? (Dad )

Making up your own word's bigly no-no (Roscoe )

There once was this fellow from Taitham (Dad )

I really wanted to hate him (Dad )

But I had a rethink / when he bought me a drink (Roscoe )

Said daughter, "Now can I date him?" (Dad )

I forgot just how good he could get  (Roscoe )

Guy who sang with the band Wet Wet Wet https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_r2uqr55mpg (Roscoe )

I've always loved the sound //. of "Love is All Around" (Dad )

It's the Troggs song that I cannot forget (Dad )

A rich old lady said through her tears (Dad )

"My diamond-studded watch stopped, oh dear!" (Dad )

"OMG! Does this mean / it caught COVID-19?" (Roscoe )

"After all, it too's getting on in years!" (Roscoe )

Said I, "So I have no dineros (Dad )

No prob! I have zero de - care - os!" (Dad )

Because life's never hard / when you have credit card? (Roscoe )

You can live like the greatest of pharaohs, (BlueJay )

A pharaoh who barged down the Nile (Roscoe )

Barged into a mad crocodile *Angry* (deemac )

"Bite me, I dare ya," // snarled the King of the Sahara. (Dad )

"I think crocodile shoes have great style." *Smirk* (Roscoe )

Most alarming of crocs, in my book, (Roscoe )

Is the croc who ticked off Captain Hook (Roscoe )

Croc bit off Hook’s hand //. Said Hook, "Not what I planned!" (Dad )

"Not just boxing ambitions forsook, (deemac )

(Since I only can put up one duke) *Sob* (deemac )

But must quit fingerpickin' my uke. " *Sob* *Sob* (deemac )

Rhyme ad nauseam till I puke... (Katya the Poet )

There once was a rhyme that went slant. (Katya the Poet )

when we overused it in a chant (Dad )

I know that I should / Make my line 5's more good *RollEyes* (deemac )

But try as I may, I just can't. *Sob* (deemac )

Took the family camping in the woods (Dad )

Thought we had brought all of the stuff, goods. (Dad )

For first time in my life/ I forgot to bring wife (Roscoe )

So subsisted upon just canned foods (Roscoe )

OT: *Delight* *Laugh* (Dad )

Total Displayed: 100

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks