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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks
by deemac
Rated: 18+ · In & Out · Comedy · #986307
A Linerick is a Limerick written one piece at a time!
WELCOME TO LINERICKS ... that's Limericks written a line or two at a time!

So whether you're that
Old Lady from Aachen
or that
Young Man from Zurich

or indeed anyone from anywhere in between, if you're addicted to Limericks, just add your line whenever! *Laugh*

*Note1* NOTES:

*Bullet*PLEASE DO NOT POST COMPLETE LIMERICKS. The main purpose of the In&Out is to share the blame fun, so please add just one piece at a time.

*Bullet*If a fifth line has already been posted, please go ahead and start the next one off. OR ... feel free to add an alternative/additional fifth line if you like!

*Bullet*To make for easier reading, please colour tag each first line.

*Bullet*Linericks should be witty, with plenty of euphemisms and innuendo. Our 18+ rating means bawdiness is OK, but not as a substitute for cleverness; so please, NO gratuitous lewdness.

*Bullet*PS: Having fun is compulsory!

A new cream to the sores / That he'd caught from the whores (Roscoe )

How come all his girlfriends keep dying? (Grandma Penguin )

Well, they’re dying, you see, a dark blue (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

I swear to you all this is true (Grandma Penguin )

What they were trying to moisten // was a new form of poison. (OT: This is ancient Rome, the Poisoning Capitol of the World, we're discussing (Dad )

or else a new cure for the ‘flu (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

*Music1* Happy Birthday *Music2* while washing your hands (Roscoe )

Supported by six marching bands (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

I've recorded as rap / activated by tap (Roscoe )

Thus fulfilling the Covid commands (Roscoe )

The Happy Birthday rap was really quite funny (Grandma Penguin )

But a pain if your tap's old and runny (deemac )

Having music on tap / can detract from your nap (Roscoe )

And your plumber'll expect birthday money. *CakeB* *Dollar* (deemac )

A much maligned bird is the crow (deemac )

They're much smarter than we'll ever know... https://youtu.be/AVaITA7eBZE (deemac )

Though for song there's no doubt / they have nowt to crow about (Roscoe )

Those corvids have nowhere to go. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

My favorite poem of all time is by Poe (Grandma Penguin )

About a blackbird who wasn't a crow (Maineiac )

It cannot be both // the raven doth quoth (Dad )

EA was a fine fellow, I know (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Still, The Rubaiyat’s the best that I know (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

' take the Cash, and let the Promise go' (Roscoe )

Read that poem morn 'til dark / drinking cider in Hyde Park (Roscoe )

I'll be halfway thru 'cause I read slow (Dad )

The wind blew some luck in my direction (Dad )

The ex-Prez is next door since election? (Roscoe )

"I'm moving to something grander //. White House is substandard" (Dad )

Adding Taj Mahal to his collection? (deemac )

And there plot world's bestest insurrection? (Roscoe )

Last year, tried to buy the Taj Mahal (deemac )

But bid exceeded my limit on Paypal *Frown* (deemac )

But then down I did crouch / found bitcoins in my couch (Roscoe )

I'm adding the Kremlin to my haul! (Dad )

Had enough change to add the Suez Canal. (deemac )

Plus some kind of big Chinese Wall. (deemac )

So hello from Nawab of Bengal *Wave* (Roscoe )

I'm buying a mountain in Nepal (Dad )

They declined my bid for team baseball! *Frown* *Shock2* *Cry* (Dad )

Any more bids? Then move on we shall... (deemac )

At the auction, I was scratching my ear (deemac )

Accidentally purchased a case of light beer (Grandma Penguin )

some bananas and a rake // and a Rembrandt that was fake (Dad )

Signed by some dude called Vermeer. *Frown* (deemac )

Guy beside me was scratching his nose (deemac )

Bought another garden rake plus a hose (deemac )

Then I let go a burp / (Have you heard of Wyatt Earp?) (Solace.Bring )

Now I'm wearing his boots, I suppose. (Solace.Bring )

But the guy with a cast on his arm (Dad )

Bought 300 pounds of Lucky Charms. OY: (if you're not familiar, it's a children's breakfast cereal) (Dad )

Though Pandora Box they ain't / had them dipped in gold paint (Roscoe )

and buried them next door, at the farm, (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Next year, old farmer Ritter (deemac )

Saw his milk had a bit of a glitter *Confused* (deemac )

They'd found the Lucky Charms / (it did them no harm) (Dad )

now milk and cereal match, that's the kicker! (Alala )

A butcher took a vegetarian wife (Alala )

Their union the cause of much strife (Dad )

"Our kids won't eat meat // nor e'en hear a sheep bleat" (Dad )

"But their beefs with their dad are sure rife!" *RollEyes* (Roscoe )

They're Forfar fanatics, he's East Fife (deemac )

Their dad cheered when he heard the score (deemac )

OT: You there, Roscoe? All together now.. East Fife 5, Forfar 4 (deemac )

I hope it's no gaffe. // my ass off I laughed (Dad )

Did the East Sussex Six score four more? (Dad )

Is it Stranraer or Heart of Midlothian? (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

I'll go there if I can drive a DeLorian (Dad )

There I'll drive back in time / for McFly's auld lang syne (Roscoe )

Rendered in tones quite stentorian. (deemac )

While investigating the scene if the crime (Dad )

I deduced it took place Christmastime (deemac )

But there was something funhy. //. the prime suspect was a bunny (Dad )

He's now been 'jugged', doing time. (deemac )

}Not a bunny then, but a hare (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

And, if so, then one more makes a pair *Pthb* (Roscoe )

Pretty soon you'll have more/And she'll be awfully sore (Grandma Penguin )

For reproduction, the do have a flair. (Dad )

The habits of the rabbits need a lot of care and caution (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

They recommend buying carrots at auction (Dad )

Rabbit meat can be dry / nice in stew or a pie (Roscoe )

Just make sure you get a pellet-free portion. (deemac )

A vegetable grower named Fred (deemac )

Always took a shotgun to his bed (Roscoe )

'Til he blew off the junk/Of feller on bottom bunk (Grandma Penguin )

Said "Excuse me" as his face turned a bright red (Dad )

In the store, saw a young lady in pink (Dad )

If Mom gad seen me look, she'd raise a big stink (Dad )

Give a dog a bad name? / Has Mom reason to blame? (Roscoe )

Well, I tried real hard to blink (Dad )

OT:*Laugh* (Roscoe )

Thanks Youtube! Was a job I could botch:  (Roscoe )

Change coin cell on my Casio watch *Smile* (Roscoe )

*ThumbsUpR* Mine's performed without fuss / For 7 years plus (deemac )

Mine is 10 years of age, like my Scotch (Roscoe )

I write limericks in Capitals, on the whole (deemac )

Just last week, I wrote one in Seoul (deemac )

OT: *Laugh* I didn't notice my Kindle had changed scotch to Scotch. It also insists on changing OT to IT every time. (Roscoe )

My typos it won't fix / my goofs stay in the mix (Dad )

"Hey, our capital's dublin' !" How droll.  *RollEyes* (Roscoe )

Total Displayed: 100

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks