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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks
by deemac
Rated: 18+ · In & Out · Comedy · #986307
A Linerick is a Limerick written one piece at a time!
WELCOME TO LINERICKS ... that's Limericks written a line or two at a time!

So whether you're that
Old Lady from Aachen
or that
Young Man from Zurich

or indeed anyone from anywhere in between, if you're addicted to Limericks, just add your line whenever! *Laugh*

*Note1* NOTES:

*Bullet* For a quick refresher on how best to structure a Limerick, check out https://tinyurl.com/ykmpx2ym

*Bullet*PLEASE DO NOT POST COMPLETE LIMERICKS. The main purpose of the In&Out is to share the blame fun, so please add just one piece at a time.

*Bullet*If a fifth line has already been posted, please go ahead and start the next one off. OR ... feel free to add an alternative/additional fifth line if you like!

*Bullet*To make for easier reading, please colour tag each first line.

*Bullet*Linericks should be witty, with plenty of euphemisms and innuendo. Our 18+ rating means bawdiness is OK, but not as a substitute for cleverness; so please, NO gratuitous lewdness.

*Bullet*PS: Having fun is compulsory!


Sounds like a plan; you should be alright (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

As long as the clock stops // while I gather my thoughts (Alala )

and.a Stoic drops in for the night. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Those Stoics are at it again (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Are they still drinking the tonic and gin? (Dad )

They’re drinking it yet // every drop they can get (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Maybe they should give sobriety a spin! (Dad )

The wind blew some luck in my direction (Dad )

could it be intussusception? (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Now that would really suck // I'd call it Grum-luck?!?! (Alala )

Does he suffer from a verbose addiction? (Dad )

O/T What I think my American cousins call “$5 words”. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

OT: I refer to them as $9 words (Dad )

The problem with nine dollar words (Dad )

Too bloating that whey. Stick to curds. *Pthb* (Roscoe )

Not exciting, I think // I could do with a drink (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Cuz it helps when your words are more slurred? (Roscoe )

I see the exhibits at the museum (Dad )

You must pay twenty bucks just to see 'em (Dad )

Seems to me, as a viewer,/ could buy new for bucks fewer (Roscoe )

On the whole, I'd rather see 'em than be 'em (Dad )

My words are going for five bucks apiece (Alala )

By this sentence's end, you're all in for about fifty bucks each (Alala )

Oh no, Madam A // I ain’t gunna pay (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Besides it don't rhyme, which it should (Dad )

The thing about this rhyming scheme (Dad )

Is that "each" rhymes with "apiece" better than it rhymes with "should", it seems. (Alala )

I don't really come here for money // I come cuz you guys R 2 funny (Alala )

I think it’s just a big dream. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Those who can’t “do”, get to “teach”. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

And spend weeks and months at the beach (Roscoe )

Cuz their rate per worked hour / make the top lawyers glower *Rolleyes* (Roscoe )

"We want all the money!" lawyers beseech. (Dad )

Included in their prenuptual agreement negotiations (Alala )

Was how frequently she must meet her marital relations obligations. (Alala )

If he suggests the truck //. as à greàt place to ... *Blush* . have marital relations. *Blush* (Dad )

it doubles her divorce reparations. (Dad )

Well, he wouldn't sign that without an addendum (Alala )

No orgasm? She must pretend 'em! (Dad )

Like in Harry met Sally/ and record weekly tally (Roscoe )

Of the accesses to her pudendum (Roscoe )

They finally agreed to Saturday nights (Alala )

But what's on the menu, that will be a bigger fight (Alala )

Italian was his choice // but he heard seafood in her voice (Dad )

He tries gigolo ploy / but finds she's playing koi ? *Confused* (Roscoe )

Bit of kindness might put world to rights (Roscoe )

She didn't know if it would be quite right (Alala )

To improve her dimensions with falsies on speed dating night (Alala )

what you see is what you get // don’t be frightened, my pet (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Though, first time, you might find it's too tight *RollEyes* (Roscoe )

All day long I g3t calls on the phone (Dad )

From people who are deaf as a stone (Dad )

I dont care if they ask / I wont take off my mask (Roscoe )

I don't want my identity known! (Solace.Bring )

It’s a beautiful mask made of silk (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

(Well, the other 99% is acryl'c) (deemac )

Oh yes, I'd forgotten / Another half per cent's cotton (deemac )

I think me you're trying to bilk (Dad )

And this Linerick I'm determined to milk. *RollEyes* (deemac )

I've an odd couple living next-door (deemac )

Play bassoon duets when they snore (deemac )

which gave them national attention //and an honorable mention (Alala )

from the National Users of The Semaphore (Dad )

Their association's acronym is NUTS (Dad )

Needed something to rhyme here with “GUTS” (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

O/T Grand United Temperance Society (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

I get all teary // think you have solved the Grand Unified Theory (Alala )

A solution with no ifs and buts? (Roscoe )

in a single moment at no space in no time (Alala )

And for no particular reason the universe went online? (Alala )

May have just been a wink / A rebound, some folk think (Roscoe )

Not a singular event in Grand Design (Roscoe )

Those complex equations give me a fright (Alala )

Using Occam's Razor, consider And God said, "Let there be light." (Alala )

It's as simple as this / use the principal of KISS (Dad )

"Keep It Simple Stupid" and ye shall be bright (Dad )

The atheist said this to the preacher (Alala )

" 'Bout which fictional god do you teach, sir?" (Roscoe )

Snarled the Rev, with a cough / "If you don't bugger off," (deemac )

"I'll rearrange your most prominent feature!" (deemac )

À group was pois'ning pigeons in the park (Dad )

The were careful to do so after dark (Dad )

The Pro Pidgeon Alliance // Monitors carefully for defiance (Alala )

And they were busted by one very sharp internet narc (Alala )

Violet, a fairy, has a very bad itch (Alala )

to marry an old man who was rich (Dad )

It seems to imply /// that she hopes he'll soon die (Dad )

Vi's a very bad fairy, tch! tch! (deemac )

*Wink* Rich guy added 15 years in his pitch ! (Roscoe )

OK guys, time to get technical.. Said the anapest to the spondee (deemac )

I've the urge to say fiddle dee dee. (Dad )

You're a syllable shorter than me (deemac )

The challenges are mounting. //. Seems someone is miscounting (Dad )

was at literary devices and found humor in both D and D (Alala )

Spondee said, "You know what? I'm too stressed." (Roscoe )

"By irregular use I'm depressed." (Roscoe )

Anapest said, "If backed, I'll / Turn into a dactyl" (deemac )

"But it's Lim'ricks where I'm at my best!" *Cool*.. https://tinyurl.com/ykmpx2ym (deemac )

Anapest and Spondee said to me (Alala )

No, we are not creatures of the sea! (Alala )

Total Displayed: 100

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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/986307-Linericks