They agreed to talk to Stan about changing rooms, but he demonstrated his usual level of human compassion by laughing in their faces. The simple fact was that there was his room, the attic, and everything else dedicated to the business. “What do you think? That there’s some secret hidden room in the Shack somewhere?”
Just then, there was a crash as Soos announced, “Dudes. I found some kind of secret room in the Shack.”
Stan blinked. “What do you think? That there’s some secret treasure trove hidden in the Shack somewhere?” He paused and put a hand to his ear with an expectant grin. Nothing happened, and he huffed his disappointment. “Eh, it was worth a shot. Alright, let’s go see what Soos found… again.”
This latest hidden door wasn’t behind some wallpaper, but behind a bookcase. The room on the other side was dusty and covered in cobwebs, but the furniture looked in pretty decent condition. There was even a bathroom. The whole thing looked like somebody’s den or study, minus all the books. Also, under all the dust were even more machines sized for minizora. While everyone else explored and looked amazed, Stan feigned disinterest as he discreetly pilfered a pair of tiny glasses before anyone else could spot them.
Then Dipper found the key on the ground. “Problem solved. I’ll move in here.”
“What? Why do you automatically get the room? We both saw it at the same time,” Mabel argued.
Stan, ever the opportunist, saw a way to entertain himself. He agreed to give the room to whoever he liked more, and then untied his shoe. He laughed like a madman when the pair jumped on his foot and started struggling. Then he ran off to the kitchen, urging them to follow. Soos tried to talk reason, but his words fell on deaf ears as the kids ran after Stan.
The old man was having a grand time playing the kids off one another. It was fun watching them squirm as he hit them with arbitrary rules and a poorly explained points system. Eventually, he got the pair fighting over who got the privilege of doing chores. With his plan in motion, Stan sighed contentedly at his accomplishments as a good uncle.
After mowing the lawn in the hot sun with the bots’ aid, Dipper decided to take a rest in what would surely soon be his room. He even took his shoes off so he could rub his socks on the shag carpeting. “It’ll all be worth it once this place is mine.” However, when the quiet fell, Dipper started to have second thoughts. Did he really want this? He and Mabel had always shared a room before. Was he ready to be on his own? Was she? He imagined his parents telling him that this would be a healthy step for the both of them, but he was less sure.
“Don’t get too comfortable, bro,” intoned Mabel in the doorway. “I just made Stan an omelet shaped like his own face. And I did it without any fancy-schmancy machines. Face it. I’m like a suck-up ninja. This room is practically mine already. But if you’re still looking for your own space,” she turned around, stuck out her butt, and spanked herself, “I’ve got room right here! Hahaha.”
Dipper just glowered at his sister, his prior cold feet heating up in irrational hormonal ire. “Oh yeah. Well, you can keep that smelly room to yourself, cuz I say I’m gonna win this room somehow.” As he marched up to his sister, he failed to notice how his socks were building up a static charge. “And when I do, I’ll finally have my own space, and we’ll never have to share anything ever again.” In his anger, he slapped Mabel right on the ankle.
The resultant explosion sent both twins flying back in a flash. Their bodies tingled like their everything had fallen asleep, and their heads were spinny.
“Oh my gosh, Dipper, you okay?” Mabel called, not caring that her voice sounded funny.
“Ugh, what happened? And why is my voice so squeaky?” Dipper asked. He looked down at himself. “Hey, wait. I wasn’t wearing pink before.”
“And did you get the shrink ray out? Cuz that’d be super low.” Standing to her full height, Mabel brushed off her vest and shorts. Preparing a full verbal onslaught for her brother’s cheating, she turned to face… HERSELF!? “Dipper?”
“Mabel? Agh! Am I in your body?”
“Agggh! Am I in your body?” Needing to make sure, Mabel cupped her hands down between her legs and found something she never expected to feel… at least not like that. Pupils like pinpricks, she threw her head to the sky and unleashed another seemingly silent scream that caused the wolves – and Soos – to start howling.
It took quite a while for the kids to calm down. And when they did, they decided to stand before a mirror just to remind themselves that this wasn’t some crazy fever dream.
“Ugh. Braces are horrible. It’s like my mouth hates me,” Dipper said in Mabel’s voice.
“And why am I so sweaty and awkward?” asked Mabel, grossed out by her own hands. “This is not what I need while I’m questioning my sexuality.”
“Hey, look at this.” Dipper went over to the corner of the carpet and read the tag. “Experiment 78. Electron Carpet? Hmm. If atoms can swap electrons, then this carpet must build up a static charge so powerful it can swap minds.”
“Dipper,” Mabel said up to her big little brother/sister. “That sounds like the kind of sciencey mumbo jumbo made up for some dumb TV show.”
“If you’ve got a better explanation, I’d love to hear it. Look, all we have to do is build up a new static charge, and we should switch back.”
Relieved, Mabel wiped the sweat from Dipper’s brow. “Good. If I was you, then I would totally lose the contest.”
Then Dipper looked thoughtful. “And if I was you, which I am, I could sabotage myself! Then Mabel would lose the contest, and the room would go to Dipper.”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh, Stan. I’ve always hated you,” Dipper called, laughing in Mabel’s voice. “See who he gives the room to now, little brother.” Burn delivered, Dipper ran off with Mabel following as best she could with Dipper’s tiny legs.
The plan was fine in theory. Each twin just had to make themselves look undesirable in front of Stan. Alas, the execution was terrible. Things quickly devolved into the pair trying to out-crazy one another. Seeing both siblings like this, Stan was more weirded out than pissed off and left the room.
While that happened, shenanigans of a different sort were going on in the contentious room between a pig, a chipmunk man, and a carpet. But that probably wasn’t important, so back to the twins.
Candy and Grenda had returned, eager to relive the joys of last night’s sleepover with a daytime sleepover, kidnapped Dipper in Mabel’s body. Mabel tried to give pursuit, outraged that anyone would pick up her brother and haul him off without her permission, regardless of any bizarre circumstances. Unfortunately, the door closed before she could catch up. She tried to wiggle her way underneath, only to get caught by Stan.
“What’s goin’ on, Dipper?” asked the old man gruffly. It didn’t take him long to reach a conclusion. “Ah, you’re at that creepy age where you spy on girls, huh. Well, I guess it’s time we had a man-to-man talk about the birds and the bees, eh?”
So mortified was Mabel at the prospect of even thinking about sex with Grunkle Stan around, that she couldn’t even muster the cognitive ability to assert that she already knew pretty much all there was. She was helpless as he carried her off to his study and submitted her to the talk.
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