‘A drunk Orochimaru is a scary Orochimaru,’ thought Kabuto as his master worked feverishly on .... something.
“Kukukuku... with this, Jiraiya will finally fail. And I’ll *hic* be free to eat all the buttered toast I please!” Orochimaru laughed as he nearly knocked over his equipment as he took another swig from an unmarked bottle.
“Lord Orochimaru... don’t you think this is a little... much?” asked Kabuto nervously.
Orochimaru froze up briefly, before turning around and giving Kabuto an insane smile. “Trying to keep allllll the toast for yerself eh Ka-bu-to?” he hissed as his eyes narrowed. Walking towards his increasingly scared assistant, he continued to predate. “You truly believe you can stop me boy?”
Kabuto was sweating as fear blanked his mind. “N-no, Lord O-orchimaru! Just c-curious about the c-current plan, my liege?”
Orochimaru looked at his assistant with poorly concealed menace, before laughing and taking another sip. “Relax, my boy! I was simply kidding about the toast!” He then gave him a serious look. “But I wasn’t joking about defeating Jiraiya. T-the fool keeps interfering with my plans, and I’m done with it! So... I’m taking him and Konoha down by using his kryptonite!” he declared as he cackled once more.
“And his weakness is...” lead on a skittish Kabuto.
“Women! More specifically cougars! I will turn the entirety of Konoha’s current generation of ninja into powerless civilian women to cripple him!” he declared.
Kabuto looked... disturbed to say the least. “But, my lord... how would that even work? And what do you mean his weakness! Anyone with large breasts and an ass is a weakness to him!” he nearly screamed as the ridiculousness of the situation finally broke his silence.
“But that’s where you’re wrong, dear Kabuto! While what you say is true to a degree, I know his preference is for, in his words, ‘mature vixens who still got a rockin bod. Yeah!‘ It was always that way, first with Sarutobi’s wife, then the Damiyo’s wife before she let herself go, and finally Tsunade. Why do you think he never got married, despite the fact he’s rich of his smut?” asked a now bored Snake Sannin.
“B-but... that still doesn’t explain how!” Kabuto stammered out as shock overrode his better judgement.
“Simple. Quite simple. The virus I have developed is a simple one. It utilizes chakra to shift the cell and bone structure of the body into a malleable shape, based off Akamichi and Kaguya dna strands of course. The chromosomes of males will shift from XY to XX, while the rest of the virus rapidly ages and molds the victim into that of a slightly older woman, ranging from late 20’s to her 40’s. The virus then causes such stress on the chakra network, that becomes akin to that of, ironically kind you, a civilian woman who has no shinobi background whatsoever,” he finished.
“B-but how will you do it!? From what you described, it sounds like a monstrous amount of chakra! Not to mention how the older, more powerful shinobi will react!” he said as he tried to reason with mad, if slightly impressive, plan.
“With the help of the Kyuubi of course. The slightly more insane portion of the village always like to blame the fox for everything! So, using that train of thought, the massive reserves of energy will react with minuscule amounts leftover from the attack! It will spread rapidly, consuming the village within an hour while affecting the young and those born after the Kyuubi’s rampage. And as for how, well, the virus will also result in various pheromones being released. The build up and exposure will leave everyone present in the village very... hormonal, before submitting to base instinct-“
“-and having a village-wide orgy,” finished a shocked Kabuto.
“Exactly. The best part is the Kyuubi will have all its power drained, thus depriving them of a way to attempt to reverse it,” added a now bored Orochimaru. “Now, take this vial and go ‘visit’ our unwitting accomplices so I may plan our next move.”
Taking the vial with reverence, Kabuto bowed deeply.. “Yes my liege. I will not let you done.” He then vanished in a puff of smoke.
Waiting a minute, Orochimaru looked around for anyone left. Sensing nothing, he cackled as he brought out a loaf of bread, a stick of butter, and a large toaster. “That’ll keep that little brown nosed and idiot pervert distracted! No one’s gonna steal my buttered toast!”
Orochimaru then took another swig from the unlabeled bottle, unaware of the chaos he’d unleashed in Konoha for the foreseeable future.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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