This choice: Hannah Slipped Out off her Mare and the Mare Ran Away • Go Back...Chapter #6Hannah Slipped Out off her Mare and the Mare Ra... by: Unknown Queen Hannah slipped off her mare and it ran away back into the woods. The three hags approached her, seeming to float on the air like ghosts. They smelled like moss left out in the sun or brambles under the roses. They each had different color hair; one had silver gray hair that streamed behind her like a lace curtain, another had hair a fierily red with green stripes, short and curly, the last was bald, shaven to the deep mahogany skin. Or what she thought was skin. It had a pattern on it that resembled tree bark and not the smooth skin of most human types
Queen Hannah was not afraid. These three looked like her book club old ladies before discussing Fifty Shades of Gray, a book some had thrown against a wall and others had put through a blender half way through reading it. She, herself, had torn the pages out and used it for paper on the bottom of the royal parrot's cage. Inner goddess, indeed, thought Hannah. More like an inner prepubescent.
The hags waved their arms at her, all pointy fingernails, black with something, wailing away, coming closer.
Queen Hannah planted her tiny feet on the ground and crossed her arms. "Oh, go away and bother someone else. I have many things to do today. That sword looks like you got it out of the five and dime store or a high school musical. And whoever that was you gave it to is obviously the village simpleton. I don't know what you want but hurry about your way, I am Queen Hannah and too important for the likes of you. Plus, you stink. Sorry, I know it's not politically correct to call a homeless old person a stinky person, but you three could use a good hot bath at the YMCA. Plus, they have cots you can sleep on and some clean clothes to wear. The ones you have on are all tattery and torn. How do I know about the YMCA, you may ask yourself, or selves, being a Queen and all. Well, my Uncle Jasper liked a little too much of the gin bottle and smoked a little too many bunches of gangee to have a straight head. He lost his job and ended up at the YMCA for about a year or so. Best thing that ever happened to him. He fell down the stairs and broke his leg and.."
The hags were getting agitated. they weren't use to humans not running away from them and screaming. It ruined their act. They menaced closer. The red haired hag stuffed moss in her ears to try and drown out the whiney, sing song voice of Hannah the Queen.
"..and then he ended up in the hospital and met the cutest little nurse's aide who took pity on him and got him on the straight and narrow. He owns a furniture story now and sells those chairs you lay in, you know, a Lazy Boy chair? Oh, look, you three need a manicure. Your nails have brown and green fungus all over them! I know a great manicurist in East Hedgerow over in the North Kingdom. If you don't mind a dwarf doing your nails, they do a wonderful job, much better than the pixies who tend to get more of the nail color all over themselves and the floor rather than your nails. So let me just pull Chez Beauty's card out of my sleeve (that's where I keep all my cards, you know, better than a purse, although sometimes they fall out into my soup).." the Queen chattered on.
The hags had had enough. The silver haired hag reached out with bony hands and grabbed the Queen's long, slender neck. She startled. The hag's fingers went right through the air, as though the Queen wasn't there at all.
"Ha, ha, you old witches with a b! You think I got to be Queen by being a fool? I am a first class ventriloquist, and a second class mirage maker. The great Houdini taught me all he knew before he got sucker punched. You will never find me! I was sure and researched all I could about these parts before I came over. Don't you know there is a Fodor's guide to the kingdom? Of course, I don't use that one. Too conservative for me. I prefer to use the Lonely Planet's Guide to the GOT Kingdom, version 2.12. In English, although I heard the elfin version had.." the Queen prattled on and on and on.
The hags passed their one eyeball around to each other and stared. They tried to strangle the image of Queen Hannah again, but is was like trying to squeeze a mist. The red haired hag kicked a horny foot onto the mirage Queen's buttocks. That really made the queen laugh.
She laughed so hard, she fell over, feet over kimble, Her tall crown fell off her head and she lost another crown jewel (really they were the faux jewels, the king didn't let the real one out of the vault. Queen Hannah was forever losing things or getting into battles. He tried to explain to her that a crown was not a disc to be hurled, and her staph was not a sword, but Queen Hannah would use whatever was handy.)
"That's not fair," growled the silver haired hag. "You aren't playing by the fantasy rules. You're supposed to be a helpless female who needs a strong knight to come save her. We even polished up our eye to scare you better with. Don't you know who we are? We are the three witchy hags of the forest! We eat gross things and moan and groan. We strangle small children."
"Well, shame on you, then,"scolded the mirage Queen. "You should know better than that. Small children make good pets, sometimes. Why waste them? I have a whole prison full of scumbags you are all welcome to so I don't have to keep feeding them and entertaining them. Did you know they gave me a list of commands? The nerve of them! Well ladies, it was nice to chat, but I have things to do and people to be royal to. If you would like my card, here, let me look up my sleeve.."
The hags vanished in a poof of air. They knew they wouldn't get anywhere with this crazy queen. They felt bad for the king, though. They promised themselves they would send him a big fruit basket next Yule tides
After the hags were gone, Queen Hannah removed the invisibility cloak she had borrowed from a brat of a boy named Harry, and lifted her not so delicate nose in the air.
Yep, they are gone, thought the Queen. The air smelled like pine and poppies again. Speaking of poppies, the Queen felt her stomach rumble. She pulled out a long loaf of Frenchified bread, a pat of European butter (made by elves of course) and a knife to spread from her sleeve. A couple of cards were stuck in the butter, so she pulled them out after licking the delicious creamy yellow butter off them.
Oh, well, they weren't readable anymore, she thought. I can get more. But this bread is divine!
While the Queen was devouring her bread and in plain sight in the opening, without her invisibility cloak on, a creature started to creep up on her. It was attracted to the heavenly smell of fresh baked bread and oozy warm butter. The creature..
word count: 1,264 
Tessa house     indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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