Review of - Writing.Com

Party Central 2025

Create New Item

Read & Review

Community

Browse By Type

Browse By Genre

Writing Resources

Fri, Sep 5, 2025

6:17am EDT

Members: 530

Guests: 2,975

Total Online: 3,505

SPONSORED ITEMS

Daily Flash Fiction Challenge

Enter your story of 300 words or less.

Writer's Cramp wishes WDC Happy 25th!

Write the best poem or story in 24 hours or less and win 25K GPS during Birthday Week

Please Review

This is a page to request reviews for static items and books.

Want to play with old Journalistic Intentions prompts? Here you go!

Lesson of The Tree

Sample poem from my upcoming collection "A Life In 80"

Non-Technical Support Forum

Members help other members with non-technical questions and problems using Writing.Com!

TCG Pokémon

TCG Pokémon given reason.

READ A NEWBIE

Greedy dog

The Greedy Dog Once upon a time, there was a dog who was very greedy. One day,

Murder Dose (WIP)

Rose is a normal high school girl, except she has a secret stalker.

Orphaned Moons

A park ranger becomes the first to greet alien neighbors.

Attention shoppers!

This is simply what popped into my head.

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

Life in the 21st Century (300 Words)

A flash fiction contest entry. Sadly, this is a true story.

Compelling Justice

Using anger to achieve justice.

Photographic Miscellany

A collection of various images for linking and inclusion in other items.

The House of Prompts

Want to play with old Journalistic Intentions prompts? Here you go!

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3891859

Review #3891859

Viewing a review of: {citem:}

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3891859

Review of

Review by ~ Aqua ~

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated:

| (3.0)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Greetings!

The following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your item.

TITLE/THEME: The theme of your poem is very sweet and emotional. I totally liked it! The theme suits the poem and the poem suits the title, well done! I have never read a poem with the same theme and it was a joy reading it.

FLOW: The flow of your poem was good and there was no interruption. However there was interruption and the flow of your poem was disturbed due to lack of punctuation and incorrect sentence struct. More is mentioned below.

EMOTION AND WORDING: The wording you used in your poem was not strong but the way you wrote the poem was very good and very emotional! I personally believe that you could have used a better vocabulary but if we see how well the main theme was expressed in your poem, it was excellent!

SUGGESTIONS AND TYPOS: Your poem seems more like a prose and there could have been a lot of improvement to make it look a better poem. Below is the whole poem written in my style. By my style, I mean how I would have written it. Click here ▼

There was once a homeless man,
around seventy years old.
He lived on our street,
he did not have a name.

[Why did he not have a name?]

We called him Gabriel,
just because he looked like an angel.

He was a mysterious man,
a white shirt and a pant was all he had,
with long pure white moonlight hair.
His nose was slightly crooked.

His bright blue eyes were simply stunning!.
Though his eyes told tales of grief,
sadness in his bright blue eyes.

He was kind to everyone,
adored by our neighbours.
Helping in our neighbourhood was his task,
in exchange for food and water.

We never complained,
we always helped him, he was our friend.
We always gave him food and water,
even if he did not ask for them.

Whenever it was raining,
he would sit underneath a tree,
collecting water to drink,
as the neighbours' kids gathered around him.

They played with him,
He taught them great things,
making a kite out of wood, plastic bags,
and paper.

He also told them stories,
about his hometown and his life.
I was eight at that time,
a little playful boy.

I just lost my Grandpa,
he died of cancer.
I was sad and lonely.
I wondered why God took him,

Why life was so unfair.{/i] was what I thought,
so I told the homeless man,
how I felt about my life,
why is life so unfair,
and why is God so mean to me.

He smiled sadly and told me a story,
about how he met his wife,
what his two children looked like,
how comforting his home was,

Long ago, the war started,
and his family died.
He had a locket from his wife,
it was for good luck, she told him.
It reminded him of home.

He was a soldier fighting in the war,
his family was caught in between.
He had no relatives left,
the war destroyed his home.

He was homeless after the war.
He travelled to new places
to find the meaning of life
to grief for his wife and his family.

He met new curious people,
some were strange looking,
some spoke a lot of languages.
It was hard to communicate, he told me,

Yet it was fun to learn new things.
He learned about their cultures,
their languages, and their religions.
He got to try new food,

They taught him constellations.
They gave him a lot of knowledge,
how to cook their food,
which plants were edible,
which were medicinal or poisonous,

How to hunt an animal,
how to find an edible root,
and how to appreciate life.
It was a memorable experience.
It was nostalgic memories.

I took his bony hands,
leading him to my home.
I begged my mother to let him stay,
he became my second grandpa.

He taught me how to be a gentleman,
how to treat a woman with respect,
how to speak in different languages,
and how to cook a delicious meal.

Thank you, Grandpa, for giving me knowledge.
Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you, Grandpa.
I love you.

FAVOURITE STANZA : I simply loved these lines because of the simplicity they had and the way they showed innocence and love and care,

I took his bony hands,
leading him to my home.
I begged my mother to let him stay,
he became my second grandpa.

OVERALL RATING AND IMPRESSION: The overall impression of your poem was innocence and I totally loved the main theme and the title! The title is so interesting and this is such an emotional poem and it truly touched my heart! Keep up the amazing work!

Thank you for allowing me to read and review your poem.

Write On!
Take care and Have a great day!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Check out these WONDERFUL activity!

"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Membership renewal auction." |"Lucky Numbers" |"The Gift Shop - CURRENTLY CLOSED"

CHECK OUT MY PORTFOLIO!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

You responded to this review 08/25/2013 @ 3:51pm EDT

Upgraded Membership required to use macros.Create custom macros to insert text in this editor. [Beta]

X

Send a reply...

Include Gift Points

Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3891859