Hi bclblt!

I found your chapter on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting so I thought I'd take a look, and here are my thoughts.

Characters:

Anna, her father and her mother.

Plot:

Anna and her father leave the house early one morning.

Setting:

In Anna's father's truck.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is third person, and the tone is calm, almost distant. The exposition is a bit heavy at times. The diction is standard.

Dialogue:

No dialogue found.

Beginning and Ending:

The first couple of sentences were a bit slow but it picked up the pace after that and moved on into the action of the story. The ending was definitely interesting and a good cliffhanger.

Errors:

None found.

Suggestions:

I'd introduce some dialogue to even out the pacing, that way the exposition won't seem so heavy in some parts. Fix the formatting of the second paragraph because it looks like that last section "Anna stared through the window" should be a new third paragraph? If not delete a few spaces to bring it back up into the current paragraph.

Summary:

This was a good start to a promising story that I want to see more of. You had nice physical descriptions and interesting characters that I'd like to get to know better. Good intro.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing!