Hi CMKepley !

I found your story on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting, so here I am, and these are just some of my thoughts.

Characters:

The narrator, and the woman in the sundress.

Plot:

The narrator is riding on a bus at random and sees a stunning woman in a red sundress.

Setting:

On a bus.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is first person, and the tone is subdued. The description is nice, and the diction is good.

Dialogue:

The two lines of dialogue were very unique.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning was a bit slow, with heavy narration in lieu of instant action which would be preferable to get the ball rolling for any story. The ending had a nice finality to it, wrapped it up in a tight way.

Errors:

ever changing landscape --> ever-changing landscape
clouds and sun shine --> clouds and sunshine
red sun dress --> red sundress
My heart beat --> My heartbeat
like angles' harps --> like angels' harps

Suggestions:

I would've liked to know the characters' names at some point, if not the woman in the sundress then at least the narrator. Hit the ground running in the beginning with some action to get the story moving, then sprinkle the exposition and narration in there as needed.

Favorite Lines:

"I feel both the relief of obligation and the sinking heart that accompanies missed opportunities."

Summary:

This was an interesting encounter on a bus of all places, with a woman who is interesting herself from her one line of dialogue. I enjoyed reading this, good work.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing!