Hi blackr0se!

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting so I thought I'd take a look, and here are my thoughts.

The voice is first person and the tone is harsh. The diction is great. The line breaks are clean in that they use punctuation at the end to break them. The meter flowed smoothly in the first two lines but then became awkward thereafter, so I'd read it aloud to find out where it went wrong. I believe "When you mind" should be "When your mind", "and your not comprehending" should be "and you're not comprehending", and "that im only pretending" should be "that I'm only pretending". I liked the line "and reality tends to scare the fake", that was very powerful. I was a bit confused as to the meaning in the second half of the poem, I must admit, so I'd work on its cryptic aspect a little bit so that it's not too cryptic so that we might get some meaning out of it after all. I do think the diction was great though, and the structure was done well. I enjoyed reading this, well done.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing!