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Review #3894310
Viewing a review of:
 Ben's Quest Open in new Window. [13+]
Ben is searching for something or someone. Can he find help to complete his quest?
by Sum1 - Birthday Time! Author Icon
Review of Ben's Quest  Open in new Window.
Review by Nixie 🦊 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Jim! As part of SMs challenge, (review a random item) yours popped up.

*BulletB* Thoughts/Impressions
Outstanding write. I'm furious with myself for skipping to the conclusion, as is my habit when I read. It didn't spoil the adventure because I was engrossed in the plot and anxious to see where it was leading me.

*BulletB* What I liked
Remarkable first paragraph, a bit of action and character development that hooked me. I wanted to know why Nathan was helping the man in tattered clothing. What were his motives? Charity, compassion?

Stephen's character takes on new depth with every conversation. Despite his lot in life, he's a man of principles who wants to compensate Nathan.

The mystery builds almost to the point of screaming for answers, and then Nathan explains what his name stands for. This moment was a huge relief! Finally, some curiosity was satisfied. Excellent work, keeping the reader intent throughout the story.

*BulletB* A few thoughts:
—stood with her hands on her hips waiting for an answer, looking defiantly at the two men.
This was a stark moment because so far Jennifer and Stephen bonded instantly. In this sentence, she's placing both men on her deserving-of-suspicion list. The formation of the characters shifted to a different triad, and then back again. Her little fit caught me off guard. I was lulled into complacency, feeling confident the two clueless characters would always be on the same side. This scene occurs further into the plot and sort of resets the stage. *Thumbsup*

*BulletB*Considerations
"I’m pretty sure we can get it all[done] then, and be [done] with all this.
Avoid using the same word in close proximity. Also, at this point, Nathan's dialogue is turning stale.

PARA My name . . .
this may take a while.”

PARA: Nathan left the room
We’ll be talking quite a while

PARA: wiped out by global catastrophe’s
catastrophes

PARA: Well,
We’re [not] still [not] sure why, but when you do,
Oops.

[but] there was nothing [but] grassy meadows
Oops.

*BulletB* In conclusion
Astonishing conclusion. Brilliant conception regrading the flow of time. And (without spoiling the conclusion) Nathan's apartment revealed the most astonishing moment. I believed every word he said, but Stephen and Jennifer needed to see the truth. Compelling twist on the timeless myth.

** Image ID #1877090 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/01/2013 @ 10:58am EDT
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