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 Review #3894763 |
| Greetings! The following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your item. Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  . PLOT AND FORMAT: At a glance, I know right away if it is appealing on the page and is easy to read and understand. If it is in one huge paragraph, it becomes too difficult to read. Make use of white space between paragraphs and character dialogue.The format of your story was good but it would be better if you divided it into paragraphs so it is easy to read. Leave a line before starting a paragraph. Plot here is a possibility of a life without technology. SETTING: This is important. A nice balance of imagery and well written word makes me feel as if I am there, but overdone it ends up being repetitive and redundant. The setting here is that a teenager has all technology lost or gone and he is forced to go outside and leave technology behind. LENGTH: If the piece is overly long, then I am more reluctant to read it, but if it's intriguing, I still might. The length of your article or story was short and interesting as well. GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION: While punctuation errors can make a piece impossible to read, often I can pass over them, depending on what it is, and noting where and what so the writer can go back and revise them. It is often something easily fixed. The red phrases are from your story whereas the green text is my personal opinion. ==> I wake up at the strike of noon. I wake up at the strike of the noon. ==>The sun is already up A sentence can be written in many ways but there are only a few in which the sentence seems good. If this was changed to "The sun is up already" It sounded better  ==>The suns rays had no way to penetrate my hid-y-ho The sun's rays had no way to penetrate my hid-y-ho Overuse of exclamation points and capital letters becomes an issue also. Even though the characters are screaming, do not constantly use exclamation points. Believe me, the reader does remember if you mentioned it once. DIALOGUE: I love dialogue. I take note if it has any or if it has the character's thoughts. There were only a few personal thoughts expressed as dialogues so they did not distract teh reader from the story and they enhanced the work and they were done correctly as well. The thoughts and dialogues are not mixed up neither there were was an overuse of dialogue tags? These are what I mean: Tom said, she said, they said, he mumbled, Mary screamed, he growled, Cheryl crowed, etc. It is not necessary to label each dialogue. We can tell what is happening by the character's actions and circumstance. POINT OF VIEW: I must know who's point of view we are in. The point of view and the transition throughout the story was good and easy to read and understand. FLOW: The story must not only be told in a logical order, but must have a feel to it. That means I 'm not stopping and starting abruptly, or stumbling over the words or distanced for some other reason. The flow of your story was good. MY FAVORITE PART/THING ABOUT YOUR STORY: The thing I liked about your story is the main theme! |So funny! I mean last month, my internet went down and I was whinning around trying to figure how to repair it and it was not working even after complaining and I had almost nothing to do. Even in everyday life, teenagers are so concerned with their technology that they do not care about real life. I do not own a mobile phone and do not like technology much but most of the time I spend on my computer is on WDC so that is not whole technology but the expression of technology role in one's life in your story was good and thought provoking THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR WORK! Write On!  Have a nice day/night! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 06/21/2014 @ 5:23pm EDT