Hi The Cowboy ,

I've just finished reading "A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR" , and would like to offer the following comments.

Please Note: I am not a experienced or professional editor of any kind. Below are my personal opinions as a lover of books and words of all sorts and as a fellow writer seeking to express my inner passions.

My Initial Impression:

In general, you did a good job with this story. It tells the thoughts of a once maiden, now whisked away by her long awaited Knight and Shining Amour. It’s told in a tale as old as time, the fantasies of a girl turned women, and her joy of having her wishes made into a reality.

Your Characters:

Nothing much was given in the face of your characters, outside of the main character being pretty. And your hero was her dream man.

Your Story Dialogue:

There was no dialogue to go with this story, only the thoughts of a girl who’d dreamed of love, and the passions she experienced when that desire was found.

My Favorite Lines:

The wind moves across her pretty face and represents the freedom her heart so much desires.

This is a very awesome way to open up a story. This gives great expression to how the story will end, while not giving away major details. Very creative

A quick here. If you add a comma after face, this will add fire to the already powerful statement.

ExampleThe wind moves across her pretty face, and represents the freedom her heart so much desires.

Spelling Errors:

wonder land should be wonderland

This is the only area I found the words to be misspelled, or separated I should say.

My Suggestions:

Paragraphs 1, 3, 7, and 11 should be placed together for better flow. Example

The strength of the horse beneath her offers her power to swiftly find that freedom. Each powerful
hoof beat
carries her away from the bondage and repression that has bound her heart. In her dreams the man she now so tightly clings to, holds the many keys to unlock her heart. He sets her heart free to beat with the swiftness of the wind that now touches her face.

This occurred in each of these paragraphs.

I found a few places in your writing where a comma would have worked out the kinks in a fairly good written story. I have included below a few site I use to help me in those areas. Please have a look at them both.

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp I love this site, because it allows you to take a quiz on what you’ve read. It also gives excellent examples to help with the understanding of how and when a comma should be used.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm This is also a great and informative site.

With a few 's and 's here. You have the makings for a great story.

Please Remember:,

This is my personal review. Please keep an open mind and understand I only aim to help and encourage. Please disregard anything not deemed so, as that is not my intention.

If at anytime you would like another review from me after you have made revisions to this story, please fill free to let me know. I will be happy to do so.

Thank you for sharing your work.





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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .