Hi Jellyfish is in Mauritius 🌞

My name is Ken and I'm reviewing your work "Earth's Poem"  on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
A very enjoyable write with a poignant message.

Creativity/Impact:
I thought that the use of insects/animals to make your point about the harmony in which they live with nature was very creative.

Message/Theme:
This was an "Earth Day" write and the theme of living in harmony with our planet was clearly made. You used a variety of insects/animals to relate their existence with various aspects of conservation: bee/support growth, elephants/harmony, polar bear/ice cap melting, dolphins/oceans. I think (just my opinion) that instead of elephants, you could have substituted a bird so that the issue of air pollution could have been more clearly confronted. I do take exception to you "humans, you are not my friends." I think this was too broad for there are many (and growing) who are friends.

Technique/Technical Notes:

Title: "Earth's Poem" The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see and serves as an advertisement to draw readers in. I thought your title was excellent, capturing the heart and purpose of your write. It invites the reader in to see what our world has to say.

Grammar/Wording: Nice use of descriptive words to create the imagery in this, i.e. "spiteful pleasure" leaves no doubt as to the wastefulness you condemn. I did have a hesitation with "Dolphins are my constitution.". I'm not sure of what you were trying to say. My understanding of the word is the way in which a thing is composed or made up or the physical character of the body as to strength, health. It didn't make sense me.

Form/Flow: Written in quatrains with an AABB rhyme, the poem generally flowed well.One of the most important aspect of making a poem flow is rhyme especially when you're using a couplet rhyme scheme. I always look to see whether the rhymes were natural and sensible or artificial and forced and whether you used "perfect rhymes" or "near rhymes." For the most part, all of your rhymes were solid and supported the flow. Two "near rhymes" (friends/blend, constitution/pollution) worked but did break the flow a bit. The closing couplet {control/cold) was neither. The meter was fairly even and the overall effect was a smooth read,

Poetic devices: Your use of personification was central to the poem. Beyond that, there were touches of assonance, with some use of enjambment to carry the reader from line to line.

Emotion/Imagery: More than anything, you've woven emotion into this poem. There's clearly a feeling that we (humans) are failing in our responsibility to this world.

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
A very enjoyable read. Your caring for this planet and support for working in harmony with nature comes through clearly. I think this is a very good Earth Day poem with an important message. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2014,

Ken

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