%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3980811 |
 | Lilies Dance  [E] Traditional haiku about water lilies  |
| (3.5)  HI Sarah! Happy Earth Day!  I was drawn to the lyrical title and the image it evoked of lilies in the wind or spiralling on the pond. Lovely.I could really see the image of this moment in time of lilies on the pond. Your description is vivid and I like the idea of ghost moon. You have shown the mystical evening scene and it has a romantic feel. The format the correct syllables and line count with natural theme and seasonal word. I did notice that the lines seem to be one long sentence instead of the expected phrases where the reader gets to read between the lines, as seen in traditional haiku. It is still a beautiful expression. You might play with tweaking it some time.  or not!I have been learning about traditional haiku and it doesn't require captial letters or periods as the idea is to let the image just float boundless for us to ponder. The poem does inspire me to dream of this moonlit eve with white lilies and shadows. I ponder on what else is reflected and what is real.  Thank for sharing your craft and your rendering of this challenging form.  You might like :"Haiku Hunt Contest" !Light on the path as you write on! eyestar 
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You responded to this review 04/22/2014 @ 10:28pm EDT