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 Review #3981253 |
 | Earth's Poem  [ASR] If The Earth had the words, what would she say? A poem written for Earth Day.  |
| (4.5)  Happy Earth Day!  HI Jellyfish! This is marvelous and very moving. The poem is creative in its presenting a comparison of different animals in their habits and use of the earth. I like that Earth Mother addresses each one as though speaking and honouring each chosen animal including man. It is brilliant and well conceived and the descriptions/qualities you mention fo reach verse is valid and relevant showing how each adds to the world as opposed to man's flawed actions.It was pleasant to read aloud and the words used in rhyme scheme are varied. Good job here. The rhythm was not quite even throughout but it did not detract from the heartfelt message and potency.  I noticed in each verse you talk to the animals :::"you are my.." except with the dolphins. The "you " is left out, perhpas for length of line but as lines and syllable have no regular pattern I just wondered about it. It stood out as I read. There was a underlying tone of sadness yet love, that we cannot be like the animals as you pay each tribute. The last verse feels blunt and cold and emphasizes your message. You have done Mother Earth proud in your version of what she might say in a loving way!  Thanks for sharing this impressive expression. Good luck in the contest!  Light on the path as you write on! eyestar 
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You responded to this review 04/27/2014 @ 7:59am EDT