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 Review #4000856 |
 | The Creature in the Crack  [E] Fiction written for the cramp.  |
| (4.0)  Wow. Very cool story. I enjoyed the pace and visual descriptions. Well done! You may want to break up your paragraphs, which will make your story easier to read and more visually appealing.   The Beginning- Nice beginning. You start the action immediately. Little did we know, the crack would turn into such a horrid event.   The Title- I like the title. It made me smile, visualizing a creature in a small crack!  The Description- I would change the description that you have now, and put an overview of the story there, instead. The Ending- Love the ending! Very strong and brings the story to a close nicely. Still leaving a bit of suspense behind. The characterization- We didn't really get to know a lot about the main character - just mainly he was intent on getting the crack filled with dirt, and that he was a fighter. It would have been nice getting to know him a bit. It would have given the story a more intimate feel. What I liked best about the story- Definitely the end. Love how you brought the story to a close and I really enjoyed your last couple of sentences. Great way to end!Below is a couple of suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit. it ran almost the length of the yard and was more than three inches wide at it widest. it ran almost the length of the yard, and was more than three inches at its widest.  the sand just poured loosely to into the crack and was gone.  the creature hissed then made a sound as if it might have been choking on our dog.Thanks so much for sharing your story with us!  WRITE ON! Tracey   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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