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Review #4071026
Viewing a review of:
 The Gift of Revenge  [18+]
"Druid, listen very carefully before I slit out your tongue." - This item has chapters!
by EllisRosser
         Review for entry/chapter: "Chapter 1
Review by Jeff
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Ellis,

I'm going to send a few individual thoughts for each chapter, and then I'll send an overall review for the item as a whole as soon as I'm done with the individual components. *Smile*

I thought this was an interesting first chapter to the story, although I found it a little short. I really liked the action, but it felt like this was just a snippet that should be included in a larger part. When you're first starting a story (especially a fantasy story where you've got world-building to do), I think it's a good idea to develop a little of that world. For example, you could describe the terrain found on the battle map, or providing a little exposition explaining what happened to Lord Ailus' to want him to exact vengeance. Overall, I think it's a good start, but a first chapter should probably be a little longer and include a little more detail so that the reader can become fully immersed in the fantasy world you've created. *Smile*

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 12/25/2014 @ 10:39am EST
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