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 Review #4081808 |
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| (4.5)| ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Greetings Magicmama ! I'm Jacquie, and I noticed your poem after seeing you listed on the "Weekly Updates" page. It was a pleasure to read "Invalid Item" and I enjoyed the interactive quality of your writing. As a result, I offer to you my thoughts and impressions for you to keep or discard at your discretion. I hope my comments are an encouragement. GENERAL I found encouraging the central message of your lovely sonnet. It is critical that we remember that storms in life are a part of living, but they don't need to overtake us. Calling on the Name that is higher than any other, is a safe harbor. We are all given the opportunity to walk through tests and trials, and we get to decide how we will do this. The journey begins with each one making up their mind as to how they will perceive adversity, which leads to how he or she will approach their personal storm. It's all too easy to lose resolve especially when we forget to consider and call on our Source. CONVENTION With a meter of nine to eleven, this reads well, and your rhyme of abab, bcbc, cdcd, ee, punctuates well your message. Your sonnet is replete with figurative language: heart in battle, crashing sea, to name a few. These strong images convey the depth of feeling and experience when we feel the pressure and demands that life can sometimes make upon us. Metaphors and symbols are powerful as they often leave no doubt in the readers mind the emotions that come with the unseen forces in the world. SUGGESTIONS Since we as writers, seem to always be looking to improve; I am offering some ideas for you to consider for giving your wonderful poem more flow. I hope my suggestions are helpful:  I think it could add depth and richness to your sonnet to change the first word of line four, as you begin line three and four with the word "Against." (Just something to consider).FAVORITE LINES  "To fill my soul with frightening despair;Demonic eyes, claws with poison filthy, I call out to my only Hope in prayer!" There is great depth of experience here. These words paint and undeniable picture of the war we find ourselves in from time to time. The communication is so clear that I have no doubt about what is taking place, and should I need a reminder that darkness encroaches sometimes, these lines would certainly take care of that need. CLOSING THOUGHT  Magicmama , thank you for sharing this powerful driving sonnet with it's potent message. There looks to be a nice variety of offerings on your page, so I look forward to circling back around to read more. Thank you including us in your journey, it was a privilege to read "Invalid Item" .And Welcome to Writing.Com!! Regards, Jacquie  Paper Doll Gang Rock'in Reviewers ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Proud Member Of: The Paper Doll Gang, Jr. Lead, The Art of Criticism, Showering Acts of Joy, WDC Power Reviewers, The WDC Angel Army, Muse Masters, Rising Stars  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/31/2015 @ 2:16pm EST