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Review #4093722
Viewing a review of:
 Needy Love Open in new Window. [E]
And I love you.
by Devvi Author Icon
Review of Needy Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Charlie ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello Devvi Author Icon. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you have any questions or need help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Sun* *Peace2*


*Tulipr**Poseyr*General Impressions*Poseyr**Tulipr*
I love the meaning of this poem. It's really sweet to see a relationship like that where the other person completes you and makes you think so highly of them. The title made me think it would be a negative relationship. I think the word 'needy' has a negative connotation. It makes it seem like the love is obsessive in nature rather than just a super close relationship.

*Tulipb**Poseyb*What Worked*Poseyb**Tulipb*
Some of the lines were great. I liked the idea of having repetition with "And I _____ you." My favorite lines were the 'staying away from the spotlight/and I see you' ones. It seems to sum up the way she feels about him. Even when others are in the spotlight, she only has eyes for him. It's a redux of that old idea, but stated in a fresh way.

*Tulipp**Poseyp*Suggestions*Poseyp**Tulipp*
I like how the opening and closing lines repeat, but the line itself doesn't strike me as a great hook. I think it's the wording that makes me think twice when reading it. Also, in the line "I don't believe you", it doesn't follow the formula of 'And I _____ you." In that one, it might almost be better to say 'And I believe you.' While it might not seem the same at first, I think it would be a great way to imply that you wouldn't believe it if it came from any mouth but his. If you do want to keep it the same, I'd maybe suggest changing it to 'And I almost believe you.' Anything that keep the consistency between the lines.

*Tulipv**Poseyv*Summary*Poseyv**Tulipv*
I think this was a lovely tribute to your significant other. The relationship sounds strong and I like the way you explored different scenarios with that person in mind. Thanks again for sharing with us!


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