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 Review #4093833 |
 | Palming Aces  [E] This is just something random I wrote after an inspiring history class about the 1920's.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  It was interesting how the focus of the story shifted between the characters. At first, the woman, Val, was the main character, and you went into quite a bit of detail to establish who she was, from the way she was dressed to the skills she used. There was even one line which I thought was nicely done to say something quite personal about her and the time she lived in, Oh, would alcohol taste so good once the prohibition ended? But as the story developed, you drew more attention to the other main character, Jimmy. It soon became clear that she was just the facilitator and the real emphasis was supposed to be on him. He had gambled and lost, and he didn't just lose a lot of money but the game got him into a whole heap of trouble. There is, of course, the implication that it wouldn't just be one job he would have to do, and his promise to himself at the end was probably pointless as he already got involved in things that he should have stayed away from. All of that is in contrast to the way his character appeared at first. He seemed to be a family man who just liked a game of cards, but at the end of the story it seemed obvious that his life would change dramatically. If you are planning to edit this story, you might want to take a look at the dialogue. When a different character speaks or acts, you should begin a new paragraph. In the one beginning with, "I'd say I'm desperate. If it's honest work, I'll do it. So, is it?" The woman's graceful hand... both Val and Jimmy speak, and you might see from the example line that it is difficult to tell who is speaking - it reads like it is Val when actually it is Jimmy. Obviously that is just a minor error in this story although it did distract a little from the plot at that point, but it is easily fixed. Overall, I thought the story was well written and very enjoyable to read.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/10/2015 @ 11:19pm EDT