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Review #4094182
Viewing a review of:
 The Black Out Open in new Window. [E]
Woman has an intruder in her house.
by sisterwolf Author Icon
Review of The Black Out  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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You did a good job setting the scene with the detailed descriptions of the main character's activities, explaining why she would be alone in the house and then why she relied on the lights and the security alarm more than the readers might ordinarily expect. When the thunderstorm started, the readers were already on edge because they were expecting something to happen. Although at first it just looked like a minor inconvenience and the main character seemed determined to still enjoy the evening as best she could, she wasn't at ease. The shadowy figure trying to gain entrance into her house understandably pushed her over the edge, and it was clear from your descriptions and the background why she acted the way she did.

Of course the alarm company would phone her just a moment too late, and the lights came back after the event, but otherwise, there wouldn't have been as much tension. I have to admit though, part of me was wishing that both had happened just before to have a happy ending for the tale. *Smile*

If you are planning to edit this story, you might want to take a look at the dialogue and the main character's thoughts. For the thoughts, it might work better to use italics rather than speech marks to set them off from the rest of the narrative. If you would rather keep the speech marks, there are a couple of occasions where you have opening ones but not the corresponding closing ones. In the dialogue, the operator addresses her as "Miss" and as that is a direct address, it should be set off by a comma either before or after (depending on whether it is at the beginning or the end of the sentence.)

There was a lot of drama in this story which came across quite well, especially during the thunderstorm, and it was easy for the readers to imagine the main character's terror. The ending wasn't completely unexpected but it was still a good twist which made the story a very interesting read.

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