Hi, love! I'm working on the "a very Wodehouse challenge"  dystopian challenge and decided to peruse your portfolio. I peeked through some stories, but it occurred to me that I don't think I've reviewed your poetry before. That is decidedly odd, as I review far more poetry than prose.

Favorite Aspects

I love creepy doll imagery. It resonates with me and always has. Hollow eyes, empty 'skulls', creepy old clothing... I'm just a fan of it in general.

Language / Word Choice

You used strong word choice throughout, which makes for a pleasant read. There was nothing unexpected or unique in the language though. The words themselves are absolutely what one would expect to see-- scream, echo, crumbled, dingy, decrepit, etc. It doesn't harm the quality of the piece, but it doesn't light the imagination or create any juxtaposition, which I tend to enjoy.

Given the title and the 'crumbled holes', I fully expected you to be talking about eye sockets of an actual doll. I was surprised when I read the final line of the stanza. Not an issue. I just thought I'd mention it.

There are some changes in the last stanza that are not super consistent with the rest of the piece. The use of 'twas' seemed off, since it is the only archaic sort of language in the poem. Also, "doesn't", "don't", and "I'm" struck me as very out of place piled at the end, as there were no other contractions in the piece. I tend to view contractions as conversational and casual. They have a place in poetry, but in form with meter and any use of archaic language, they seem to stick out like a sore thumb if not equally distributed.

Flow / Rhythm

The flow is incredibly solid most of the time, partially because of the iambic rhythm used. On each read, I tripped a bit on the third line in stanza two and the second line in stanza three. For the former, I think it is just a slightly awkward combination of words. For the latter, it is two very short sentences on a line, which makes people naturally pause for a beat between them.

Effect

In general, I think that the piece is a fine read. It has a slightly haunted quality, which is enjoyable and fitting. I love the subject matter and creep factor. There is room for improvement in a few areas, but it is a pretty solid piece. I might just have to read some more of your poetry.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .