Hi, love! I'm working on your challenge at "a very Wodehouse challenge" , and since I need to review three group members, I decided to peruse everyone's ports. Usually I review poetry and had every intention of reviewing one of your poems, but this story caught my eye. I've been reading dark poems all day, so a cute tale of a mischievous mouse seemed like a nice break from the norm.

Favorite Aspects

The story certainly has that cutesy factor! I think children would enjoy the alliteration and rhyme. The 'a kitchen and bathroom, a bed and a pillow, etc' line immediately reminded me of Scuppers the Sailor Dog by Margaret Wise Brown (best known for the iconic Goodnight Moon). I had to read that story to my son a zillion times when he was a toddler. To be honest, if I ever have to read that story again, it will be too soon, but it is still a good indication that your story will be appreciated by children, right?

Consistency

The rhyme didn't seem super consistent to me. After a while, I found myself looking for it. The slant rhymes didn't always read as rhyme at all. Perhaps if they were isolated on a page the way they would be in a children's book (basically, end rhymes), it might be clearer how it is supposed to be read. Of course, that would be obnoxious formatting on WDC. No suggestion here but to go through the rhymes and make sure they are as solid as possible.

Language

There may be some word choice here and there that are above the age group's vocabulary level. I would estimate the age range as toddlers through age 5 or so. I know that my son dropped similar stories when he hit the 5 year mark. A little bit of advanced language can be educational, but I would go through with a fine-tooth comb (no pun intended) and look for anything that might confuse a child. For instance, "unknowingly hospitable" may very well be gibberish to children simply because this is not something that can be pictured in an illustration and the combination of two 4-syllable words may be too much for them.

Originality

Is it original? Well, mice living in a hole in the wall and behaving like people is certainly not a unique concept. Neither is going on a grand adventure in search of something mundane. But do children's stories really have to be unique? I don't think so. My son doesn't care if it is unique... he just wants it to be fun. And this is fun.

Effect

I think it's adorable. I think my son would have loved it around age 3 and 4. It would be easy to illustrate as well.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .