\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4096342
Review #4096342
Viewing a review of:
 Angel Open in new Window. [13+]
A familiar story with a different ending.
by FallenAngel Author Icon
Review of Angel  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


That certainly was a different way to interpret the idea of 'not growing up!' The genre and the brief description gave some of the twist away, but it was still intriguing to see where you would take the tale and what exactly would happen. It seemed that Peter's shadow was a darker side of his personality that somehow took on a life of its own. Although it wasn't clear exactly what happened to the children, the shadow did seem to have something to do with it and Peter appeared to be aware of it as well.

Wendy seemed to have a few doubts at first but since she had been waiting for Peter to come back, she quickly put her worries aside and followed him. There was a hint early on that all wasn't as it seemed, with the line,

For as long as you want.

which indicated that it would be a journey from which they wouldn't return. But apart from that and the shadow, there was nothing out of the ordinary. It was interesting that at the end, they were all back in their beds so I assume what Peter took with him was their souls or something along those lines.

If you were thinking about editing this story, the main thing I would suggest is to start a new paragraph when a different character acts or speaks. Although there is a lot of dialogue between Peter and the children at the beginning, there is only one paragraph that describes it all which makes it harder for the reader to follow who is speaking or acting. The same applies to the last two paragraph where the parents are talking to each other and the children.

I liked the idea of taking a familiar story and giving it an unusual spin and you did a good job trying something different that turned an old tale into a new one.


A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/20/2015 @ 8:27am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4096342