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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4198106
Review #4198106
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Review by MontyB
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi Medie learning the new normal ! I am here to review your story "Invalid Item as part of the LGBT Contest judging. I hope that you find my review helpful. Please take what you find useful and leave the rest behind.

First Impression: Moving in with someone is always a big step. I like the portrayal of this story where Blake is preparing to move in with his boyfriend of several years, Justin. I did wonder more about Laura and her relationship. Why was she so nervous about Blake moving in with Justin?

Spelling/Grammar/Sentence Structure: This all looked great. No issues or recommendations here.

Characters/Setting: I enjoyed the characters, but I feel like they were just skimming of the surface. I found myself wanting more. I loved your dialog here and I would have loved to see more of it in here. I think you have a knack for writing realistic dialog that helps get your point across without the need to resort to telling. Utilize that more. I wanted to care about these characters, but I don't feel like I was given enough information to do so. You have begun to birth your characters and I can tell that they will be rich and fulfilling people. This story will greatly benefit from the continuation of their development.

What I liked: I like that you explored the after in the relationship. The moving in was just the beginning. Learning to live with another person is one of the toughest things in the world to do. I'm glad that you showed that here. It was a lovely little story about how two people in love learn to navigate the flaws and idiosyncrasies of the other.

Areas for Improvement: Overall, I think that the character development needs work in here. After reading, I'm left with several questions about who these characters are. Who is Laura? Obviously she's important as she was mentioned, so show us why. What is Blake's relationship like with Justin? What are they like on their own? Go a little deeper into them.

The other issue is that there's a lot of telling. I think you have plenty of room to expand here to make this a lovely little novelette or novella. There is plenty of meat contained in this; room for you to show how the little issues become major impasses.


Thanks for letting me read this story. I enjoyed it. If you decide to make revisions and would like an updated review, please let me know and I would be more than happy to oblige.

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/09/2017 @ 8:41pm EDT
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4198106