Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.


General Comments & Reader Reaction: good first paragraph; the descriptive writing draws the reader to continue the story.

Plot & Pace: as the idea of the story is revealed, the reader is kept engaged. The pace of the story is slow at first, but then it picks up.

Characters: good characterization; an attention to detail here gives characters that have the reader can relate to; the interaction between the characters is well done.


Dialogue: I enjoyed the dialogue, and it sounded natural. Good use of italics for internal thought.

Setting & Imagery: good details are added such as smell, sight, hearing, feeling to bring the setting to life.

The following passage is one example of the good usage of imagery; the reader can see quite clearly the scene being portrayed.


I sat up again and stretched as the morning sun beamed through the cabbage palms that lined our property. It caused me to squint from the brightness. Not use to the heat or the intense sunshine, my eyes began to water. I kept them closed and rubbed them dry.


Emotion, Mood & Atmosphere: the atmosphere is fun with a bit of mystery mixed in. The mood goes from unhappy to joyful.

Structure & Consistency: the structure of the story is very well done.

Writing Style: easy reading style.

Overall Impression & Conclusion: this is very good for an opening story; the reader would want to read more.


Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .