Greetings robertbaker

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "Chapter One Competition. " .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## !


OVERALL IMPRESSION
WHAT WORKED
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
OPENING PARAGRAPH
PLOT

OVERALL IMPRESSION

This is a good first chapter. For the most part, it was a page turner. There were bits like the scene before the narrator decided to go the bottle of whisky that was a bit flat but for the most part it was a good read.

WHAT WORKED

The story worked because it was written in a first person point of view. This meant the writer could let the reader see the main characters personality without too much hassle. I got a feel for him and the story early on and this means I had a vested interest in the story and how it ended from the start. The ending was also very well thought out as it made me eager to find out what happened next.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

Sometimes the story told when it should have shown but this happened very rarely. one such time was when the narrator stepped away from the window. Maybe, and this is just a suggestion, you could say... 'My body trembled as I stepped away from the window.'

OPENING PARAGRAPH

This was good as it peeked my interest from the start and made me want to read more.

PLOT

A disease hits the world, wiping out the human race. The people left are confined to their houses and the army has taken over. The narrator is dying anyway so he decides what would be the harm of going out, breaking the rules and getting a bottle of drink. He gets caught and shot.

Thank you for sharing and keep writing.

NAME DMT1967 AKA JACKIE

"Cross Timbers Novel Workshop On Hiatis"