Hello Starr Phenix

I am reviewing this item as part of "I Write in August-September-October" 

I thought this was an endearing story about a teenage girl and her Nan (I have never heard the term "Grams" before but I am assuming it means Nan!) Looking at the prompt, your story fits it well and also has a moral to it, highlighting the importance of family. I thought the character of Kelli was good and like the way we see in to her thoughts - especially the part where she considers the futility of life and becoming older.

I also like the way that the old lady began with mocking the "youth of today" but later in the story lets on that she too was once a teenager getting up to no good.

I did think you used the word "Grams" quite a lot in the story so it became a bit repetitive and think there are places where you didn't need to use it so often.

I was also a bit confused with the idea of colouring ones hair with crayons! Crayons? I have to say I have never heard of that!

Suggestions:

"stop the tear falling to the stained mattress." - This may be a typo but I think perhaps you mean "tears" rather than "tear"?

"one teaspoon honey, one teaspoon peanut butter" - I think there should be the word "of" after teaspoon.

I thought this was an interesting take on the relationship between the two characters and a good response to the prompt.

Please note that these of course are just my personal opinions so feel free to take or leave them as you choose!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .