Hey, Jay O'Toole
. I am here to review your item on behalf of I Write group.Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.
The poem captures the pain of loss quite well. I could feel the mother had enjoyed her life and was worried about passing away. I could even feel the pain in the reassurances you gave. It is quite an emotional poem.
Language, grammar and form
I stumbled at some of the words, and I think that is because I am not Christian and you are referring to some religious books/stories. Yet I do think you need to take a look at the following sentences:
i) Our efforts need not grope.
: I don't think the grope is the right word here. That sentence came out quite weird while reading.
ii)our separation mend.
: I think there is a helping verb missing here. You might need to crosscheck it with the previous sentence.
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites
I loved how you captured the emotion in the poem. It is well-done.
Other thoughts and suggestions
If this poem is true, I hope your mother is at peace now, wherever she is. Thanks for sharing this piece with us.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .