I'm Mary Ann MCPhedran and thank you for sharing
fIRST this is only a suggestion, and the story is yours and you can chose to display it however way you chose. I write my thoughts on a new line and in italics.

Your item is wel displayed with good expression.
The written piece has good imagery and blends with the story.
I found no spelling or grammar errors.
I enjoyed reading your item.
Overall a well written item with good expression




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .