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 Review #4460182 |
 | Forgotten Paper  [E] A newspaper is left on the bus  |
| (4.0)| Hi Schnujo NEEDS to do homework , I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Forgotten Paper" in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" .Greetings: Hey, Schunjo! I'm here as part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" ! The challenge was to review items about a newspaper, and this item fits perfectly! I'm also honour-bound to suggest you check out "Chatterbox Group" , which is a group where you can talk about pretty much any topic your heart desires, even those that some groups may traditionally frown upon. Check it out.  First Impression: This is a short snippet of a scene, I believe told from the point of view of the newspaper. It's an interesting perspective to think about the world from, and I admit, not one I'd ever considered before now! It creates a fun poem, and one that forces me to change my perspective for a little bit, which is never a bad thing. Flow: I admit, the first two lines threw me off a little, I think because of the perspective change. The first two lines is looking in, whereas the rest of the poem is from the point of view of the newspaper. I think this would be enhanced if the whole view is from the newspaper, maybe making the reader guess who, or what, is actually doing the talking. That could be a fun aspect to add. Rhyme: You've used rhyming couplets here, and you're a braver person that I am. There's a reason so few of my poems rhyme. I don't know how you manage to make things make sense. I always sound so forced with it! My favourite rhyming couplet has to be the first one. I'd never have thought of rhyming world with curled, but it works really well where you've done it, and it seems effortless. I realise I've just told you I don't like the first two lines above this, but I like the rhyming and word choice, so I'll leave you with that confusing statement.  Perhaps there is a way to still use world and curled, whilst also changing the perspective? Something along the lines of: You are lost in a busy world, Neatly folded, corners curled. Hmm, interesting. The use of you changes the first line more than I thought it would've. Anywho, it's up to you.  Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here. Some argue about the use of punctuation in poem, but I won't join in here. You've used it, and to me, it works, so 'nuff said. Closing Thoughts: I realise this is a poem that's over 2 years old that you haven't edited since you uploaded, but figured my comments could help, just in case you decide to. Keep writing poems, Jody. You're good at it.  Lorraine ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/04/2019 @ 7:22pm EST