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Review #4467636
Viewing a review of:
 Eleyna Open in new Window. [E]
Almost Western (cowboy) style short story.
by TonyHamid Author Icon
Review of Eleyna  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Tony Hamid!
This is interesting. I like the way you told it (mainly the descriptions), and you kept the reader's attention as we wondered what was up with this odd woman in this out-of-the-way café. It's only when the stranger enters and approaches her that we know there's a connection between the two.
But...here it got a little confusing. I know this probably went right over my head, so I'm taking a shot at it: I'm supposing that this strange man is Elyna's killer, and she doesn't seem to know that she's dead yet? Ergo his reluctance to 'break her heart' by telling her the truth?
As I said, I'm taking a stab at it, since that's the only conclusion I can come up with. And if that is the way you intended it, you did an excellent of slipping that in so inconspicuously!
Great spelling and grammar, Tony, but I did spot a couple of tiny niggles (Yes, I know you're a literature teacher):
'...were visible at odd points (around) her neck and sleeves'
'...asked the barman, standing closely(.) - too closely.'
You have Elyna spelled two different ways in this (Eleena), but I guess you did that on purpose since the man mispronounced her name.
Otherwise, great job!
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

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