\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4470752
Review #4470752
Viewing a review of:
 I will wait Open in new Window. [ASR]
The world is ending, and Agent is nowhere to be seen.
by Angustia Author Icon
Review of I will wait  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Aloha, Angustia (Cool! You just added 3 letters to my own handle!)
This isn't bad, but it's a little confusing since we don't know who this 'Agent' is. Usually the writer will offer subtle hints so the reader can at least get an idea. I did see a couple tiny hints, but not enough to really help.
This feels like an excerpt from a longer piece, as if we were just dropped into the middle of the story without knowing what happened before or where it was going, if you know what I mean. I realize it's for a contest, so maybe there's more to this behind the scenes.
A few tiny niggles you might want to check:
'The night was cold(,) out in the dessert,' (don't need that comma)
'he was so damn touch starved that any touch would break him' (confusing sentence-one too many 'touch's?)
"I'm waiting(,)" he whispered into the dust.'
Kee ponw ritin gon, Angustia, and welcome to WdC! If you like to read, then you're going to love it here!
PS-Since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon

PSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.


Rawrrrr...

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/23/2019 @ 7:11pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4470752