First, you should be happy with this rating, I am not trying to discourage you. To be honest, it's more than enough because you lack a lot of things. Now, I will try my best to explain some of the things that could have made it better:
You had only one character to focus on the whole story. Well, that's okay. Sam, is the character that you mentioned here. The story was written in past and followed a single sequence. So, you should've kept that in mind.
For example- you don't need to use "she listened" or "listening" every-time. cuz' that's the situation she was in; you don't need to explain it each time. When you say it's night at first; you don't need to tell it every-time that it's still night. I hope you got my point here.
Your plot was way too obvious and common. No shred of creativity. Anyone can guess the ending. No plot twist, that's ok. You kept it simple, I appreciate that but what matters is "How u tell the story". You made everything too obvious, leaving the readers no scope to think otherwise. that is, in your story there's no "What if." And, your genre was horror, but your story has no suspense, the readers won't feel any chill. So, keep the thrill.
Just how many "and" did u use? Sentence construction is poor, but it doesn't matter that much if the story is good. Word choice was good. But, u need to focus on sentence making, to be more expressive, more vivid and more pleasant. And, kindly fix the punctuations.
so and so. Not good, not bad.
1. First, make a draft of the plot. Take some time to set up the plot.
2. Be more decisive, but comprehensive.
3. Don't break down each situation, let the readers' imagination run wild.
$. Never give up.
Keep up the good work. Try your best and you could've made it better, just think a bit before setting up the plot. I'll be looking forward to read your net works. Thanks.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .