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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4498352
Review #4498352
Viewing a review of:
A Diamond in the Dust  [E]
A story of abandonment - Written for the Smiling Skies Personification Contest (2019)
by TheHuntress is Coming for You!
Review by Jimminycritic
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi TheHuntress is Coming for You! ! After reading "A Diamond in the Dust,I offer you these comments:



*Check1*First Impression:

This was a nicely written story and it was a joy to read. I did play the guessing game as to who the main character really was and decided not to follow the clues too closely, but instead, add my own ideas to the story. In this case, this story is about a building that, when in its prime, was used to promote masquerade parties and dances and such. Of course, the building (personification)took on airs and thought it was too good for poor people, or even people who didn't have the breeding to properly appreciate high society. This, naturally, was short lived as people move on to do different things and the building is left with dust and memories (noticing the title, nice!)...The ending was a surprise. I loved it!

This is pretty much my take on the story. I hope I am not too far off?

*Check1*What I liked:

I liked that I found the main character to be irritating. I knew from the very first sentence that change was imminent. I guess this made the irritation more bearable?

I think you did an excellent job with the details of the story. I enjoyed the lamp lights which definitely supported the concept of change, those days are long over.

Loved the ending! Didn't I mention that already? No spoilers on that.

*Check1*Suggestions:

I don't think the bacchanalias (riotous drunken revelry-yes, I looked it up) really fit with the upper classes use of the building, as I read the story anyway. That might have been for later decades with the so-called nouveau-riche? The reference to the orgies really didn't fit with high societies unless it was strictly class inbreeding. Hence, I chose to overlook such references. I would suggest focusing more on the alterations to the building that reflected on the era of old, which could really support the monstrous ego this place sported. Just saying.



*Star*Thanks for sharing! Good luck in the contest!



-Jimminy- Member of the PDG



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/13/2019 @ 2:43pm EDT
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