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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4546730
Review #4546730
Viewing a review of:
 My Life And Other Stuff  [18+]
This is the latest version of my autobiography
by Nick
         Review for entry/chapter: "19 The Day The Coal Bunker Blew Up
Review by Toffeeman1957
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Who needs computer games when you can play with live bullets? Smacking a bullet with a bloody big hammer! What could possibly go wrong?

It was the title that drew me to read this article. Anything that mentions blowing up a coal bunker has the makings of an entertaining story. I grew up in England and I know all about coal bunkers and how they could be perfect structures to climb, hide in or use as small goal in the back yard when your playing footy with your younger brother.

There were some good descriptions in this story. Notably the desk were the bullets were hiding and the tree surrounded by concrete blocks. Descriptions like that add to the story, especially when the reader grew up in the same era and can identify with the good descriptions.
There weren’t too many names; sometimes in short stories you can be swamped with character names and the story gets lost.

If I were going to be constructively critical, I would suggest trying to be a bit more “show don’t tell”. It is something that I am trying to improve in my own writing, so I like to read other writers to see how they are doing it. Or how I would attempt to improve on what has been written.

When I finished reading this story, I noticed that you have more stories mentioning English footy teams. I will have to read them and see what they are like. You could be the next Nick Hornby.
Carry on writing.



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