Hello Elle ,

Congratulations on your ninth writing.com anniversary!!!!!!!!!

You're my chosen "blue case" port to raid for the WDC Angel Army's July challenge. It's also my little way of saying thank you for running the Quills for so many years!

INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I loved your poem and think you did a great job with this very short form. Congratulations on winning the excellence ribbon for it in the Oriental Poetry Contest's round 73!

You painted a clear scene that I could easily picture in my head as I read your poem. Great job!

MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:
This poem of yours caught my eye because I remembered seeing the prompt for that round of the Oriental Poetry Contest but not being aware of the form. I clicked to read and was surprised to find such a familiar syllabic form represented in a new way with a new name and some different rules (which explain the new-to-me name .

Your syllable count is perfect.

You painted an easily imagined scene, especially for fellow writers who have gathered outside in the past.

I think my favorite line is the first:
"low gunmetal skies" because of your clever use of gunmetal as a color and the extra meanings it can imply.

Your poem is well written, flows nicely and evoked empathetic feelings in me as I read it.

I liked how you structured your poem.

I didn't notice any mistakes of any kind in your poem.


CONCLUSION:
You wrote a great Asian form poem that I enjoyed reading. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your winning poem with the writing.com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler


*** WDC Angel Army Review ***


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .