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Review #4702668
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Review by 👼intuey Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi! Welcome to WDC (writing.com). If I can be of any help, please don't hesitate to contact me. *Smile*

I enjoyed reading the first chapter of your book. Your writing has a lot of potential. I look forward to reading more.

I would have liked more imagery of their surroundings. I think it would help make the story more personable. *Smile*

Here's a few typos I found:

*Reading* he could see but their hens

*Reading* Oribio reaction wasn't that what you'd expect

Oribio's reaction wasn't what you'd expect

*Reading* set on grabbing his opponent feet.

opponent's feet

*Reading* Above all he dreamed to become another Alzid,

Above all, he dreamt of becoming another Alzid,

*Reading* approach was of considered them to be

approach was considering them to be

Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I look forward to future visits to your port. *Cool*

Write On!

Intuey
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