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 Review #4745427 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)| Hallo H❀pe  ! I will be reviewing your work "Invalid Item" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written for the Writer's Cramp, this is a short story that tells of a young woman's quest to find hidden treasure as a detectorist. Pluses: Ah, this so brings back memories of watching that T.V. show - The Detectorists - not sure if you've heard or seen it. But yes, I could definitely see Marie and sense her frustration as she went digging and whipping out beer cans and ring tabs. Despite her disappointment, however, she comes to realize that perhaps its the location her father talked about, could be a treasure of sorts. From your wonderful descriptions, we are able to picture this haven amidst a world of modern contraptions. It seems like the perfect place to escape and get away for some 'alone' time, so to speak, and who knows? There might be actual tresure buried in there. It's the beeping of the machine, and her excitement, that is contagious. You allow the reader to wait impatiently to see what's been discovered, only for us to wilt in dismay as we realize it's only a watch with a rather interesting wording inscribed on it - Watch for Morning - quite clever indeed. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>old gold mine near the stream.” her father had said (change the period to a comma) >>“I found it.” She’d muttered wryly (change the period to a comma, and 'She' will no longer be capitalized. In other words: "I found it," she'd muttered wryly)   Aside from the punctuation notes, this was a delightful short story. Thanks so very much for sharing, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/16/2024 @ 10:21pm EDT