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 Review #4781831 |
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| Good morning, Dee  . I'm pretty new here. This is my third review, and no one has answered the first two yet, so I don't know how I'm doing. I found this story on the Please Review page, so I'm here to answer your request. I hope it's to your liking.First, the big picture: I liked this very much. A supernatural tale of a circus guarding a cosmic secret holds an allure for me that an ordinary circus story wouldn't. I especially like your use of similes, the first two sentences drawing me in: The circus arrived in Elk City, Oklahoma, like a tempest rolling across the prairie. Its crimson and gold tents sprouted like mushrooms, casting long shadows over the sleepy town. A purist might say you're overusing them, but I'm not a purist, I just know what I like. A good simile can paint a word picture that no item-by-item description can approach. Another big plus is the way the story builds to what it is. It doesn't just suddenly slam the magic premise into your face out of nowhere; you see it approaching in the distance, you wonder what its impact will be, and when it arrives it's bigger than you could have imagined. No simple magical horse doing impossible tricks, this is suddenly cosmic horror a la Lovecraft, the union of horse and rider holding back oblivion. Chilling... You've seen that I withheld a star from the rating, so an explanation is required. This is based on my opinions, but what is a review besides one reader's opinion? As you read this paragraph, never lose sight of the fact that this is my opinion, and nothing else. ~ TITLE: Specifically, the word "Showdown." A showdown suggests the last gunfight in High Noon, the redcoats' final stand in Zulu; in short, that grand climax where the hero, on her own, out of tricks, with nothing but her own grit goes toe-to-toe with the Big Bad and wins or loses. We don't approach that here. We get the barest hint that one may be coming some day. ~ TIMEFRAME: I have a couple of issues with the same scene here. First, the audience has just seen a horse and rider take a bad spill, both apparently badly injured. The ringmaster hands Sophia a costume, tells her to suit up, and sends her out to perform the same stunt on the same horse. I can't imagine the show going on minutes later after that. Did the Ringling Brothers send out the next act after the Flying Wallendas fell? Assuming he would do this, you then have Victor up on crutches watching Sophia within, what, a half-hour of being taken out on a stretcher? From the description of the accident, I don't think that's likely. All this doubt could be removed by having the ringmaster give her the costume and telling her to, "Get to know the horse. This will be your act at tomorrow's performance." The bottom line is that this is an engaging story with believable characters and dialogue and a good premise, one that could lead to a number of sequels. A full exploration of the shadowy watchers and the evil that lurks just beyond the spotlights could make for an engaging ride. I'm not saying that's necessary; this stands alone just fine. But it offers many paths forward should you choose to explore any. All in all, a fine story, and the issues I point out are easily "fixed," should you think they need fixing, by adding a few sentences to make it the next night. I like it. It's good work. I wish you great success going forward, whatever you consider that to be. Stay fabulous,  T.H. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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