Hello, JP Murphy, aka jpmurphy!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "A new start" poem this evening.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary day and month! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

I found your poem in the "Anniversary Reviews" forum today, reviewed by someone else that I respect. I love the idea of new starts, so your title drew me in and I clicked and read your description, which made me want to read your poem. I then read your "A new start" poem and enjoyed it, so I decided to give you a review as a little anniversary gift. Happiest anniversary wishes to you and best wishes on your writing future too!

I should have looked at the genres you selected, as I was expecting an inspirational or motivational kind of poem, but I like romance too, so I still enjoyed most of your fantasy / romance take in your "A new start" poem.

I could relate to looking for a sign as to whether the love interest was also interested in you. I'm happily married now, but when dating, this was an important skill.

My favorite line was "Are those real butterflies?" because it made me smile.

I thought the fantasy and romance / love genres you selected for this poem were appropriate matches for it.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have three little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

The main title, the one displayed in searches and in the "Anniversary Reviews" forum, looks like this:
"A new start"
Though in the body of the poem, you do have it properly as:
"A New Start."
I'd recommend changing the main title to all caps too, as I believe that's the proper way to display titles and the two titles should match, in my opinion. Of course, with poems, you always have poetic license.

I think there's a typo in this line:
"Onto first loves floor,"
and that it should look like this, with the addition of an apostrophe to show possession:
"Onto first love's floor."

To be honest, this line disturbed me (it would have set off red flags for me, had it been given to me by someone I was dating):
"As I try taking you over,"
Most people don't want to be taken over, I'm thinking. I'm sure there are exceptions, but nowadays, I'm thinking that people tend to be looking for more of a partnership.


As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I enjoyed reading your "A New Start" poem.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, feelings, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary day and month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during your anniversary month, and always!

PWheeler











Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




The B.E.A.R. Fund




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .