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 Review #4805791 |
 |  | How To Get Rid of A Present  [13+] A young man needs to return a gift that is totally inappropriate for his lifestyle.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a stroke of luck! After our narrator didn’t have any success convincing the cashier in the store to take it back, I figured he was doomed to carry that giant panda all the way back home where he would be staring at it, taking up far too much space and staring at him with those eyes and the creepy smile. The little girl, however, didn’t seem to have an issue with the panda; in fact, she seemed to think it was adorable and absolutely had to have it. I’ve been in similar situations with my children that fortunately never involved an 8 foot stuffed toy, but I felt for the poor father who apparently had his wallet at the ready to cater to the little darling’s every whim. He didn’t even put up much of a fight, which indicated that he had probably bought more expensive, if probably not bigger, gifts for her before. The narrator was a fun character. He didn’t exactly take the situation with humour and his frustration came across very clearly, but the part where he sat in the panda’s lap while he was contemplating his options was funny and I could imagine him sitting there.  Suggestions: I spotted a few small errors: "So sorry." I added As the sentence continued after the speech with a dialogue tag, the period after ‘sorry’ should be a comma. "why'd it have to be so busy?" The sentence started with ‘Why’ so it should be capitalised. I can't possible keep it ‘possibly’ {iShe shook her head unable to take her eyes offi} I believe there should be a comma after ‘head’. "Well, could I just leave it here." How many people walk in with an eight foot panda. Those sentences are questions so they should end with a question mark. I held me breath. ‘my breath’. "Fine," he said fishing out his wallet. I think there should be a comma after ‘said’.  Final Thoughts: Obviously, a large part of the story was dialogue (as required by the contest rules) but the narrator’s internal monologue was interesting, too. My favourite line was when he mused about the possibility of falling over while carrying the panda and figured that A cruel twist of fate would have me landing in a puddle of embarrassment. I thought that was an excellent description and also told the readers a lot about his outlook on life. I liked him though and I was glad that he came away from the experience $50 richer and minus on giant panda. A good story!   A Review from: "Invalid Item" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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