%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4806111 |
 |  | The Pair  [E] Written for Writer's Cramp: a poem about finding joy in a difficult time  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Hello, D.L. Robinson, aka Jooker! INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:  I enjoyed reading your "The Pair" poem every time I read it, including this evening. Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end of your delightful poem.MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:  Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month! I read this "The Pair" poem of yours sometime in the past and enjoyed it, but didn't have time to review it right then, so I flagged it for an anniversary review (meaning I saved the link to it in a special "March" file.  ). I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging. The main concept of your poem is fantastic. I adored the idea of coming across love and joy personified. You included enough sensory details that I could picture the scenes you described vividly in my mind as I read your poem. I liked the rhyming and it went well with the "joy" element of your poem. For some reason, rhyming generally feels happy to me. My favorite line was "I cast my cares away from me," and I loved the whole ending, really. It was a great way to conclude this fanciful poem. I wondered if you had written this for a particular contest or challenge here? If you haven't entered it in the Traditional Poetry Contest, I think it qualifies. Just check the rules as I think it requires that you state the form and I'm not sure of their line count requirement. Congratulations on the lovely red awardicon that graces this poem. I think that's what caught my attention and caused me to read your title, then your description, and then your poem when I originally visited your profile. I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your "The Pair" poem. I appreciated the detail of going from slouching to standing at your full height. That was an unexpected, but nice visual image. I thought the inspirational and romance / love genres you selected for this poem were appropriate matches for it. I liked that you included your word count below your poem.IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER: In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have some little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section. Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!   The second of these lines confused me:"Love -- a staunch and handsome beau Bid even birds adieu" If he's so handsome, why would he cause birds to leave? Maybe I don't understand. I guess it's literally saying he said goodbye to them. Wouldn't they want to flock to love personified? This was the only point in the poem that I stopped reading and wondered what you meant. Also, I'm not 100 percent sure, but I don't think beau and adieu rhyme, but I am hearing them in French, not English, as I don't know how English speakers say them. Maybe they rhyme in English? Wait, I'll go check my rhyming dictionary. Nope, according to it, they don't rhyme. Even if they did, I'd probably rewrite that "Bid even birds adieu" line because of the confusion issue, but with it being your only non-rhyme, that's extra reason to do so. If you want to stick with French, chapeau is a perfect rhyme. I'd recommend choosing a third genre, as we are allowed three, and people do search by genre here. Perhaps "nature," "fantasy," or "animal" might be nice options to consider? There's a drop down list, as you know, because you had to use it to select your other two genres. I don't have it memorized; those are just some suggestions. The actual list will probably be more helpful. Just to show it's not only me who recommends this, moderator Schnujo's Giving Away GPs  shared on the news feed in a comment on 2/21/2025 that “SM has told me, himself, that the #1 way people search for things to read on WdC is through the genre search, so if you aren't filling out all 3 genres, you are literally missing out on readers.” [On the very slim chance that you don't already know this, SM is our StoryMaster here, and definitely in the know.] If you want to see the note and scroll down to see her whole comment, here’s the link: "Note: View this Note". It might help you get more future readers if you added a thumbnail picture to your story, if your membership level allows that. Pictures are attention getting and could help your story stand out in a list of search results.As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't. CONCLUSION:  I enjoyed reading your "The Pair" poem, and thought it was a great concept and an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community! Once again, happy anniversary month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during your anniversary month, and always! PWheeler   A SuperPower Reviewers Choice review!  Positive Hearts  A Review from: "Invalid Item"  The B.E.A.R. Fund   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 03/22/2025 @ 2:26pm EDT